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The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. J K Galbraith, 2002
You know what some people call us? The Nasty Party. Theresa May, October 2002
No amount of cajolery, and no attempts at ethical or social seduction, can eradicate from my heart a deep burning hatred for the Tory Party. So far as I am concerned they are lower than vermin. Aneurin Bevan
Who seriously believes that the Tories could ever stand up to the privileged few? They are the party of the privileged few, funded by the privileged few, for the benefit of the privileged few. Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party conference 2016
The Tory manifesto had some incredibly unpopular policies: the most unpopular one obviously this idea that if you’re a pensioner, you get dementia – you might lose your house. That’s the most unpopular policy you can come up with for pensioners. For pensioners that’s like putting VAT on racism. And it amazes me – pensioners won’t just acquiesce into having a Conservative government they’ll actually go out and vote for it. These people will crawl along the pavement to go and vote themselves out of their own house! Frankie Boyle’s New World Order I, BBC 2017
I think it’s amazing the difference in Theresa May since she called that election. Before that election she looked formidable and now she looks like something you’d find in a skip round the back of Jim Henson’s workshop. Frankie Boyle’s New World Order III, BBC 2017
Theresa May went on a walking holiday in Wales with two security guards – I assume they were there as a kind of suicide watch. Frankie Boyle’s New World Order e2, BBC 2019
Jacob Rees Mogg resigned to spend more time on his hobby: murdering prostitutes in Victorian London. Frankie Boyle’s New World Order s6e2, BBC 2022
There’s a Muslim paedophile living under your bed. Vote Conservative. Frankie Boyle, Mock the Week sketch, cited Utterly Outrageous X-Rated Comedy V: Politics, Channel 5 2021
The Leaning Tower of Theresa. Benjamin Zephaniah
The real UK government – the Bilderberg Group and other secret cartels – have groomed the key conservatives over the last few years including David Cameron, George Osborne, William Hague, Kenneth Clarke who are all members of the secretive Bilderberg Group. Richard D Hall, The Richplanet Starship
There are few genuine conservatives within the US political system, and it is a sign of the intellectual corruption of the age that the honorable term ‘conservatism’ can be appropriated to disguise the advocacy of a powerful, lawless, aggressive and violent state, a welfare state for the rich dedicated to a lunatic form of Keynesian economic intervention that enhances state and private power while mortgaging the country’s future. Noam Chomsky, The Culture of Terrorism
In a media universe where you’re likely to find right-wing conservatives on ABC, Fox, or NPR, the facts don’t matter; only the framing. And in the hands of biased pundits posing as objective journalists, the framing is always going to be the same: pro-military, pro-government, and pro-war. David Potorti
A Conservative government is an organised hypocrisy. Benjamin Disraeli, speech House of Commons 17th March 1845
Conservatism discards Prescription, shrinks from Principle, disavows Progress; having rejected all respect for antiquity, it offers no redress for the present, and makes no preparation for the future. Benjamin Disraeli
Thinking about profound social change, conservatives always expect disaster, while revolutionaries confidentially expect utopia. Both are wrong. Carolyn Heilbrun
The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. Hannah Arendt, The New Yorker 12 September 1970
The conversion of agnostic High Tories to the Anglican church is always rather suspect. It seems too pat and predictable, too clearly a matter of politics rather than faith. Terry Eagleton
I do not know which makes a man more conservative – to know nothing but the present, or nothing but the past. John Maynard Keynes, The End of Laissez-Faire, 1926
They offer me neither food nor drink – intellectual nor spiritual consolation ... [Conservatism] leads nowhere; it satisfies no ideal; it conforms to no intellectual standard, it is not safe, or calculated to preserve from the spoilers that degree of civilisation which we have already attained. John Maynard Keynes
The Conservatives … being by the law of their existence the stupidest party. John Stuart Mill
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. John Stuart Mill
We’ll bring in a society that lives within its means. Where public expenditure is cut. And where waste of taxpayers’ money is ruthlessly expunged. Yes we’ll bring in a conservative society. Margaret Thatcher
There are still people in my party who believe in consensus politics. I regard them as Quislings, as traitors ... I mean it. Margaret Thatcher
The word ‘conservative’ is used by the BBC as a portmanteau word of abuse for anyone whose views differ from the insufferable, smug, sanctimonious, naive, guilt-ridden, wet, pink orthodoxy of that sunset home of the third-rate minds of that third-rate decade, the 1960s. Norman Tebbit
Loyalty is the Tory’s secret weapon. David Maxwell Fyfe, 1900-67
No amount of cajolery, and no attempts at ethical or social seduction, can eradicate from my heart a deep burning hatred for the Tory Party ... So far as I am concerned they are lower than vermin. Aneurin Bevan, 1897-1960
What is conservatism? Is it not adherence to the old and tried, against the new and untried? Abraham Lincoln, speech 27th February 1860
It is rather like sending your opening batsmen to the crease only for them to find the moment that the first balls are bowled that their bats have been broken before the game by the team captain. Geoffrey Howe, speech House of Commons 13th November 1990
The time has come to others to consider their own response to the tragic conflict of loyalties with which I have myself wrestled for perhaps too long. ibid.
Let’s bomb Russia! ... Let’s kick Michael Foot's stick away! Kenny Everett, Conservative Party rally
cf.
We couldn’t bomb Russia if we tried. We’ve got one wooden rocket, and the elastic band’s bust. Kenny Everett
So, Mrs Thatcher, how are all the Nazis in the Conservative Party? Spitting Image s1e5, ITV 1984
Mel Gibson is Harold Macmillan in Mad Mac 3. Spitting Image s3e1
I cannot foresee any circumstances … Spitting Image s9e2, Michael Heseltine
The Conservative Party: a bunch of snivelling, two-faced, back-stabbing weasels. Spitting Image s9e3, party broadcast
It’s me! Your exciting new prime minister. With lots of totally new policies. Spitting Image s9e4, John Major to cabinet
A lot of people are pointing at you, Mr Heseltine, and saying, Where did this rancour come from? Spitting Image s9e6, Waldon with lisp
We’re all too anonymous. We need to find some way of telling us apart. Spitting Image s11e1, John Major to Cabinet
John Major is on a winning streak. He is monarch of all he surveys. He has all the prestige and authority he needs to transform Britain. The Sun editorial 9th May 1992, cited Spitting Image s13e1
[to theme music] Norman Lamont … John Major … The Recessionals … Spitting Image s13e6