esias - Virchand Gandhi - Desmont Tutu - Samuel Wilberforce - The Young Ones TV - Reverse Missionaries TV - Robert C Shannon - Amy Carmichael - David Livingstone - Jomo Kenyatta - Herman Melville - Gordon B Hinckley - John Sweeney TV - Captive 2016 - Trailer Park Boys TV -
Joy McKinney, former Miss Wyoming, joined the Morg from the Appalachians. Her first devout act was to try and get off with Wayne Osmond. Rebuffed, she started a relationship with Kirk Anderson. When Kirk tried to end the affair, Joy stalked him around the US and harassed him so seriously he requested a posting overseas. The Morg’s response was to send him on a mission (where Hamlet was sent in the throes of madness) to England.
Joy hired a private detective, tracked him down and descended on London in tow with a young Keith May who seems to have been besotted with the free-wheeling Joy.
Naturally, Joy and Keith threatened Kirk with replica guns, bundled him into a car and carted him to a rented cottage, where he was held captive for three days. The London Evening News of 23rd November 1977 reported the committal proceedings at Epsom magistrates court:
‘A young Mormon missionary told today how an ex-beauty queen kidnapped him and then made love to him while he was chained to a bed in a lonely cottage.
‘Kirk Anderson, 21, said the girl, Joy McKinney, and her friend, Keith May, tied down his arms and legs with leather straps, padlocks, chains and rope, so that he was spreadeagled.
‘May then left the room while Miss McKinney tore off his blue silk pyjamas.
‘“She grabbed my pyjamas from just around my neck and tore them from my body. The chains were tight and I could not move. She proceeded to have intercourse. I did not want it to happen. I was very upset.”’
Joy McKinney was a tabloid star. Suddenly, little Britain discovered Mormon Big Love. Joy lapped the attention and London loved her. At a bail hearing, when it is not normally necessary to give evidence, Joy McKinney spilt the sexual beans. From the witness-box Joy spoke in a fabulously exotic Southern drawl and with no sense of shyness or inhibition. London 1977 was treated to the lurid details of Mormon Big Love Missionary Style.
‘Kirk has to be tied up to have an orgasm. I co-operated because I loved him and wanted to help him. Sexual bondage turns him on because he doesn't have to feel guilty. The thought of being powerless before a woman seems to excite him. I didn’t have to give him oral sex ... I did do it at his request because he likes it.’
And in her most famous phrase, she drawled: ‘I loved Kirk so much that I would have skied down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up my nose.’
The newspapers exploded. So did the magistrates. Joy McKinney was released on bail with a charge of kidnapping chained to her wrist (a charge of rape could not then brought when the victim, a man, seemed to enjoy being a sex slave; no-one in the country seemed to give a toss about the alleged victim).
Joyce McKinney, London’s hottest star, did a runner. The trial was set for May 1978, but Joy jumped bail, fled the country and arrived in America via Ireland and Canada. Without sub-judice restrictions the gutter press printed every salacious details including her not-so Mormon career in soft porn.
Joy McKinney was later identified by the Salt Lake Tribune in August 2008 as one Bernann McKinney, gaining further fame by buying five cloned pitbulls of her dead dog Booger. esias, board re-post 1st April 2012 original, ‘Male Mormon Missionary Kidnapped for a Sex Slave!’
Christian missions to India imply that India is a land of heathens, and, therefore, stands on the same level with the Andaman or the Fiji Islands. That a country which has been recognised in all ages the world over as the mother of all religions and the cradle of civilisation should be considered as pagan, shows how much ignorance prevails in Christendom.
Since the Parliament of Religions, I have been studying Christian institutions, and I have also studied the way in which the Christian ministers and the missionaries are manufactured in this country, and have learned to pity them. We must not blame them too severely, because their education is too narrow to make them broad-minded. I grant that they are good-hearted, that they are good husbands and often fathers of large families, but generally they are very ignorant, especially of the history of civilisation and of the philosophy of religion of India. Most of them do not even know the history of ancient India.
We know that in this age of competition, centralisation, and monopoly, very many people are forced out of business. The English say, ‘The fool of the family goes into the Church.’ So that when a youth is unable to make a living, he takes to missionary work, goes to India, and helps to introduce among the Hindus the doctrines of his church, which have long since been exploded by science. Virchand Gandhi, The Monist
When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. Desmond Tutu
If I were a cassowary
On the plains of Timbuctoo,
I would eat a missionary,
Cassock, band, and hymn-book too. Samuel Wilberforce
Dawn French as Missionary: Hello, I come from God and He says [Rick tries to close door]. Let me in! [pushes way into house] It’s a miracle! Just a moment ago I was a useless cripple. But now I can run and dance and skip. Oh thank you God! Thank you, baby Jesus! I come from the Archangel Gabriel. The Young Ones: Interesting, BBC 1982
Jamaican pastor Franklin Small is coming to the Cotswolds. Reverse Missionaries I, BBC 2012
An English missionary who led the fight against slavery in the Caribbean – Thomas Burchell. ibid.
Franklin’s first efforts to bring the community together hasn’t had the impact he had been hoping for. ibid.
In Malawi pastor John Chilimtsidya runs a church that is flourishing. But will his charismatic brand of worship revive a declining church in Blantyre, Glasgow? Reverse Missionaries II, BBC 2012
In Malawi John’s methods echo Livingstone and the Victorian evangelical missionaries of old. ibid.
John is dismayed at what appears to be the total absence of God. ibid.
In Africa Livingstone soon came face to face with slavery. ibid.
John is going to be joining the Glasgow street pastors. ibid.
The 19th century was the golden age for Christianity and Britain exported that faith. Reverse Missionaries III, BBC 2012
Kshama Jayaraj runs a church that is thriving ... In Mumbai The House of Prayer is a Christian church. ibid.
Inspirational missionary Amy Carmichael: Belfast has changed a lot since Amy started her missionary work here in the 1880s. ibid.
Church attendance is at an all-time low. ibid.
These are known as peace walls. ibid.
My mission is to tell young boys and young girls Jesus loves them. ibid. Kshama
Never pity missionaries; envy them. They are where the real action is – where life and death, sin and grace, Heaven and Hell converge. Robert C Shannon
To me there is no more tragic sight than the average missionary ... We have given so much, yet not the one thing that counts; we aspire so high, and fall so low; we suffer so much, but so seldom with Christ; we have done so much and so little will remain; we have known Christ in part, and have so effectively barricaded our hearts against His mighty love, which surely He must yearn to give His disciples above all people. Amy Carmichael, God’s Missionary
The best remedy for a sick church is to put it on a missionary diet. David Livingstone
The white man is very clever. He came quietly with his religion. We were amused at his foolishness and allowed him to stay. Now he has won our brothers, and our clan can no longer act like one. He has put a knife on the things that held us together and we have fallen apart. Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart ch20, 1958
When the Missionaries arrived, the Africans had the Land and the Missionaries had the Bible. They taught us how to pray with our eyes closed. When we opened them, they had the land and we had the Bible. Jomo Kenyatta, cited J F Walker ‘A Certain Curve of Horn’, 2004, attributed Desmond Tutu