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Q) How many priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A) Depends. If it’s a young lightbulb, they’ll all want to screw it. Freddie the Frog, is a cunt.com 24 April 2019
You join the gang, you’re culpable. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri ***** 2017 starring Frances McDormand & Woody Harrelson & Sam Rockwell & Abbie Cornish & John Hawkes & Peter Dinklage & Caleb Landry Jones & Kerry Condon & Darrell Britt-Gibson & Lucas Hudges & Amanda Warren et al, director Martin McDonagh, Mildred to priest
The theist says when I tell you what to do, Christopher, I have God on my side … and since God doesn’t ever directly appear and say do it this way, it’s done for him – this is really convenient – by human representatives who claim to act in his name … real power in the only world that actually exists which is the material world of you over me: and you wonder why I’m not keen. Christopher Hitchens
In every religion the priest insists on five things. First, there is a God. Second, he has made known his will. Third, he has selected me to explain this message. Fourth, we will now take up a collection; and Fifth, those who fail to subscribe will certainly be damned. Robert G Ingersoll
In all ages hypocrites, called priests, have put crowns on the heads of thieves, called kings. Robert G Ingersoll
Civilization will not attain to its perfection until the last stone from the last church falls on the last priest. Emile Zola
And [with] the guts of the last priest
Let’s shake the neck of the last king. Denis Diderot, Dithrambe sur fête de rois
The ‘divinity’ of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find Christianity encumbered with.
The priesthood have, in all ancient nations, monopolized learning. And ever since the Reformation where or when has existed a Protestant or dissenting sect who would tolerate a free inquiry? ... The most ungentlemanly insolence, the most yahooish brutality, is patiently endured, countenanced, propagated, and applauded. But touch a solemn truth in collision with a dogma of a sect, though capable of the clearest proof, and you will soon find you have disturbed a nest, and the hornets will swarm about your eyes and hands, and fly into your face and eyes. John Adams
‘Peace upon Earth!’ was said. We sing it,
And pay a million priests to bring it.
After two thousand years of mass
We’ve got as far as poison-gas. Thomas Hardy, Christmas
The priests of the different religious sects ... dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight, and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subdivision of the duperies on which they live. Thomas Jefferson
It is too late in the day for men of sincerity to pretend they believe in the Platonic mysticism that three are one, and one is three, and yet, that the one is not three, and the three are not one. But this constitutes the craft, the power, and the profits of the priest. Sweep away their gossamer fabrics of fictitious religion, and they would catch no more flies. Thomas Jefferson
In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection of his own. Thomas Jefferson
The Christian priesthood, finding the doctrines of Christ levelled to every understanding, and too plain to need explanation, saw in the mysticisms of Plato materials with which they might build up an artificial system, which might, from its indistinctness, admit everlasting controversy, give employment for their order and introduce it to profit, power and pre-eminence. Thomas Jefferson
Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act against them. And no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity. It is the mere abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus. Thomas Jefferson
What have I always believed?
That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right. Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
The priest persuades humbled people to endure their hard lot; the politician urges them to rebel against it; and the scientist thinks of a method that does away with the hard lot altogether. Max Perutz, Is Science Necessary, 1989
A world where priestesses walked hand in hand with the divine. Professor Bettany Hughes, Divine Women II: Handmaids of the Gods, BBC 2012
Priestesses enjoyed high status. ibid.
There were six priestesses known as the Vestal Virgins. ibid.
A priest who told youngsters that Santa Claus is dead and that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer doesn’t exist was acting on his ‘zeal to emphasize the spiritual dimension’ of Christmas, church officials said Tuesday.
The Diocese of Metuchen issued a statement to clarify comments by the Reverend Romano Ferraro at the St John Vianney Roman Catholic Church in Colonia [New Jersey] on Saturday.
Ferraro also had said that parents who tell their children Santa exists are liars.
‘He tried to kill Santa,’ said Joanne Apolonia, a mother who attended the weekend Mass at the Church with her ‘Confraternity of Christian Doctrine’ class. ‘That’s how the kids took it.’ Associated Press article, ‘Christmyth: Priest Says Parents Lie, Santa Dead’, reprinted The Arizona Republic 10th December 1986
One of the most amazing and perplexing features of mainstream Christianity is that seminarians who learn the historical-critical method in their Bible classes appear to forget all about it when it comes time for them to be pastors. They are taught critical approaches to Scripture, they learn about the discrepancies and contradictions, they discover all sorts of historical errors and mistakes, they come to realize that it is difficult to know whether Moses existed or what Jesus actually said and did, they find that there are other books that were at one time considered canonical but that ultimately did not become part of Scripture (for example, other Gospels and Apocalypses), they come to recognize that a good number of the books of the Bible are pseudonymous (for example, written in the name of an apostle by someone else), that in fact we don’t have the original copies of any of the biblical books but only copies made centuries later, all of which have been altered. They learn all of this, and yet when they enter church ministry they appear to put it back on the shelf. For reasons I will explore in the conclusion, pastors are, as a rule, reluctant to teach what they learned about the Bible in seminary. Bart D Ehrman, ‘Jesus, Interrupted: Revealing the Hidden Contradictions in the Bible’
This is Allen Hall, one of England’s three remaining Roman Catholic seminaries, home to some 45 men intent on becoming Catholic priests. Catholics I: Priests, BBC
The seminarians at Allen Hall have signed up to a minimum of six years. ibid.
Speaking of priests, you killed the wrong one. Ray Donovan s1e3: Twerk starring Liev Schreiber & Paul Malcomson & Jon Voight & Eddie Marson & Dash Mihok & Steven Bauer et al, Donovan to Mickey, Showtime 2013
You think you’re better than I am. Where we came from if one did not want to die of poverty one became a priest or a bandit. You chose your way, I chose mine. Mine was harder. The Good, the Bad & the Ugly [Il Buono, il Brutto, il Cattivo] 1966 starring Clint Eastwood & Lee van Cleef & Eli Wallach & Aldo Giuffre & Al Mulock & Antonio Casas & John Bartha & Claudio Scarchillio & Sandro Scarchilli & Antonio Molion Rojo, director Sergio Leone, Tuco to brother
You became a priest because you are too much of a coward to do what I do. ibid.