We had to make it look as if something is to be done. Yes, Minister s3e5: The Bed of Nails, Sir Arnold to PM’s chief adviser
I’ve been asked to formulate and develop a national transport policy by the prime minister. ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey, with Bernard
Will you please recommend to the prime minister that we set up an immediate leak inquiry? ibid. Jim
Last night a confidential source disclosed to me that British arms are being sold to Italian Red Terrorist groups. Yes, Minister s3e6: The Whisky Priest , Jim to Sir Humphrey, with Bernard
The sale of arms abroad is one of those areas of government that we do not examine too closely. ibid. Sir Humphrey to Jim, with Bernard
A basic rule of government is never look into anything you don’t have to. ibid.
Government isn’t about morality. ibid.
What is the ultimate purpose of government if it isn’t for doing good? ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey, with Bernard
Well almost all government policy is wrong. ibid. Sir Humphrey to Jim, with Bernard
Well done, Bernard. You’ll be a moral vacuum yet. ibid. Sir Humphrey
Either you’re in the arms business or not. ibid. Chief Whip to Jim
You’re a sort of whisky priest – you do at least know when you’ve done the wrong thing. ibid. Annie to Jim
Subsidy is for art, culture. It is not to be given to what the people want; it is for what the people don’t want but ought to have. Yes, Minister s3e7: The Middle-Class Rip-Off, Sir Humphrey to Bernard
Subsidising art in this country is nothing more than a middle-class rip-off. ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey, with Bernard
The Royal Opera House is the establishment at play. ibid.
The Country Crafts and Folklore Council – the Rafia Mafia. ibid. Bernard to Jim
Arts and television together? What have they got to do with each other? ibid. Civil servant at lunch with Sir Humphrey & Arnold
He’s the one who forced through the plan to standardise the Euro-sausage ... The emulsified high-fat offal tube. Yes, Minister: Party Games, Christmas Special, Jim to Bernard, BBC 1984
I’ve accepted the presidency of the Campaign for Freedom of Information. ibid. Sir Arnold to Sir Humphrey
I have been appointed Secretary to the Cabinet. ibid. Sir Humphrey to Jim
The Prime Minister is to retire early in the new year. ibid. television news
First rule of politics: never believe anything until it is officially denied. ibid. Jim to Annie & Bernard
Sir Humphrey: How are things at the Campaign for the Freedom of Information by the way?
Sir Arnold: Sorry, I can’t talk about that. ibid.
What would you say to your present master as the next prime minister? ibid. Sir Humphrey to Bernard, with Sir Arnold
The waste of it all. Take that EEC reception last night: Humphrey introduced me to an official who spends his entire time paying a lot of farmers to produce masses of surplus food, and then he introduced me to another official who spends all of his time paying a lot of others to destroy all the surpluses. And then they pay thousands of bureaucrats to push masses of pieces of paper around to make it all work. Doesn’t the futility of it all depress you, Bernard? ibid. Jim
We’ve no real power; we’re just a sort of American missile base, that’s all. ibid. Jim to Bernard
The current expression is horizontal jogging, minister. ibid. Sir Humphrey to Jim, with Geoffrey
I’m up to my neck in the Euro-sausage. ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey
Sources say the sausage could be another banana skin. ibid. radio news
We have made enough concessions to the European Commissar. ibid. Jim’s speech
We did once get through to the Kremlin but only to a switchboard operator. Yes, Prime Minister: Grand Design s1e1, civil servant
It’s only the new ones that don’t work, the others are fine. ibid. Bernard
Everything you’ve always read in the paper about how hard the prime minister has to work is a bit of a myth really. Yes, Prime Minister s1e2: The Ministerial Broadcast, Bernard to Jim
We have a magic wand. It is called Trident. Nobody understands anything about it except that it will cost £15 billion which means it must be wonderful, magical. ibid. Sir Humphrey to Bernard
Bernard: I think he wants to govern Britain.
Sir Humphrey: Well stop him, Bernard. ibid.
Don’t let the teleprompter turn you into a zombie. OK? ibid. Director Godfrey to Jim, with Bernard
Prime Minister, how would you feel about a little dental work? ibid.
Sir Humphrey: You can prove anything with statistics.
Jim: Even the truth. Yes, Prime Minister: The Smoke Screen s1e3
Smokers are national benefactors. ibid. Sir Humphrey to Jim
Dying of lung cancer can seriously damage your health. ibid. Bernard to Jim & Health Minister
Let me be absolutely honest with you … ibid. Jim to Health Minister
We are here to see that the prime minister is not confused. Politicians are simple people, Bernard. Yes, Prime Minister: The Key s1e4, Sir Humphrey
I couldn’t stop him [Sir Humphrey]. He’s bigger than me. ibid. Bernard to Jim
Take his key away from him. ibid. Jim to Bernard
Open this door! ... You’ll pay for this! Open the bloody door! ibid. Sir Humphrey to Bernard
You mean you’ve lost your key. ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey
It’s my decision. Isn’t it, Humphrey? ibid.
Being an MP is a vast subsidised ego trip. Yes, Prime Minister s1e5: A Real Partnership, Jim to Annie, with Bernard
Do you think I am a complete idiot? ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey, with Bernard
All that pro-British defending democracy nonsense. Yes, Prime Minister s1e6: A Victory for Democracy, civil servant to Sir Humphrey
Facts complicate things. ibid. Sir Humphrey
It’s safer to be heartless than mindless. Yes, Prime Minister s1e7: The Bishop’s Gambit, Sir Humphrey to Jim, with Bernard
There’s a vacancy in the diocese of Bury St Edmunds. ibid. Bernard to Jim
The Church is looking for a candidate to maintain the balance. Between those who believe in God and those who don’t. ibid. Sir Humphrey at Balliol
Our policy is not to have a policy. ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey, with Bernard
The head of MI5 a Russian agent? Yes, Prime Minister s1e8: One of Us, Foreign Office man to Jim
I’ve never believed in anything in my life. ibid. Sir Humphrey to Sir Arnold
Move two or three hundred thousand service personnel up to the north and you create masses of civilian jobs. Yes, Prime Minister s2e1: Man Overboard, Sir Humphrey
I need to know everything! How else can I judge whether I need to know it? ibid. Sir Humphrey to Bernard
The Employment Secretary is plotting against me! ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey
Jim to Sir Humphrey: It’s envy you know. Dudley is consumed with envy.
Bernard: It’s one of the seven Dudley sins. ibid.
It cannot be in the national interest to ridicule the national leader. Yes, Prime Minister s2e2: Official Secrets, Jim
I don’t want a leak inquiry, I want to find out who did it. ibid.
Consciences are for politicians, Bernard. ibid. Sir Humphrey
Who would own the middle of the tunnel? Yes, Prime Minister s2e3: A Diplomatic Incident, Sir Humphrey to Jim, with Bernard
If humiliating concessions are going to have to be made, I’d rather the Foreign Secretary made them. ibid. Jim to Sir Humphrey, with Bernard
Memoirs alas are an occupational hazard. ibid. Sir Humphrey to Jim, with Bernard