Dixon Lanier Merritt - Victor Gray - Maurice Evan Hare - Anonymous & Author Unknown - Michael R Burch - Ogden Nash - Ghoulsline - Kenny Thompson - Substrate - Edward Gorey - John Ciardi - esias -
52,195. Oh, a wondrous bird is the pelican!
His beak holds more than his belican.
He takes in his beak
Food enough for a week.
But I’ll be darned if I know how the helican. (Bird & Limerick) Dixon Lanier Merritt
79,372. Charloote Bronte said, ‘Wow, sister! What a man!
He laid me face down on the ottaman:
Now don’t you tell Emily
Go telling the family –
But he smacked me upon my bare bottom, Anne!’ Victor Gray
95,083. When our dean took a pious young spinster
On his cultural tour of York Minster,
What they did in the clerestory
Is rather a queer story –
But none of us hold it against her. Victor Gray
95,084. A tax-car whore out at Iver
Would do the round trip for a fiver
- Quite reasonable, too,
For a sightsee, a screw,
And a ten-shilling tip to the driver. (Limerick & Taxi) Victor Gray
79,373. There once was an old man who said, ‘Damn!
It is borne in upon me I am
An engine that moves
In determinate grooves
I’m not even a bus, I’m a tram.’ (Limerick & Tram) Maurice Evan Hare, Limerick 1905
79,374. There was a young lady named Bright
Who traveled much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night. (Limerick & Light & Theory of Relativity) Anonymous, attributed to Arthur Buller
79,377. There was a young man from Savannah
Who died in a curious manner:
He whittled a hole
In a telephone pole
And electrified his banana. (Limerick & Penis) Anonymous
79,378. There was a young gal name of Sally
Who loved an occasional dally.
She sat on the lap
Of a well-endowed chap
Crying, ‘Gee, Dick, you’re right up my alley!’ (Limerick & Penis) Anonymous
79,379. There once was a maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink,
as you’d possibly think;
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass. Anonymous
95,069. There was a young woman called Starky
Who had an affair with a darky,
The result of her sins
Was quadruplets, not twins:
One black, and one white, and two khaki. Anonymous
95,075. A vice most obscene and unsavoury
Holds the Bishop of Balham in slavery:
With maniacal howls
He rogers young owls
Which he keeps in an underground aviary. Anonymous
95,076. A Lesbian girl from Khartoum
Took a pansy-boy up to her room;
As they turned out the light
She said, ‘Let’s get this right –
Who does what, and with which, and to whom?’ Anonymous
96,078. There was a young Fellow of King’s
Who cared not for whores and such things:
His height of desire
Was a boy in choir
With a bum like a jelly on springs. Anonymous
95,077. An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Declared, ‘There is one thing I do know:
A woman is fine
And a boy is divine,
But a llama is numero uno.’ Anonymous
512. There was a young man from Moldavia
Who couldn’t believe in the saviour
So he erected instead
With himself as the head
A religion of decorous behaviour. (Religion & Limerick & Saviour & Behaviour) Author unknown, cited Professors A C Grayling, Hawkins & Dawkins vs. Neuberger & Spivey & Scrutton
79,375. Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
Claimed E equals MC squared,
Which means mass decreases
As activity ceases ...
Not my mass, my ass declared! (Limerick & Einstein) Michael R Burch
79,376. There was a young belle of old Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez.
When comments arose
On the state of her clothes,
She replied, ‘When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez.’ (Limerick & Clothes) Ogden Nash
36,885. Joe’s book is a whopper, by Dickens!
With each version, the plot always thickens;
With characters, themes
And digressions it teems;
As for truth, though, it’s mighty slim pickin’s. (Mormon & Limerick) Ghoulsline, ‘Joe’s Book is a Wopper, by Dickens’, Best Original Mormonia Limerick, The Salamander Society 2004)
36,827. There once was a prophet of god
who was born with a passionate rod
he asked the almighty
if it was alrighty
to have sex with more than one broad. (Mormon & Polygamy & Limerick) Kenny Thompson aka Shaunteez, Best Original Mormonia Limerick The Salamander Society 2000
37,140. The age of consent in Nauvoo
Was eighteen years, it is true
But if you were bad
They’d just get your dad
To trade exaltation for you. (Mormon & Polygamy & Limerick) Substrate, board post 16th March 2006
88,687. There was a young lady named Mae
Who smoked without stopping all day;
As pack followed pack,
Her lungs first turned black,
And eventually rotted away. (Smoking & Cigarette & Limerick) Edward Gorey, Floating Worlds
80,119. There was a young lady from Gloucester
Who complained that her parents both bossed her,
So she ran off to Maine.
Did her parents complain?
Not at all – they were glad to have lost her. (Maine & Limerick) John Ciardi, The Hopeful Trout and Other Limericks 1989
121,915. There was an old codger call Joe
Who had forty-odd wives on the go,
He bemoaned his small todger,
Said,'Why should I bother?'
For no man can please Eliza Snow. esias, Hold Fast to the Rod of the Lord and He Shall Give Your Succor