Call us:
0-9
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z
  Labor & Labour  ·  Labour Party (GB)  ·  Ladder  ·  Lake & Lake Monsters  ·  Lamb  ·  Land  ·  Language  ·  Laos  ·  Las Vegas  ·  Lass  ·  Last Words  ·  Latin  ·  Laugh & Laughter  ·  Law & Lawyer (I)  ·  Law & Lawyer (II)  ·  Laws of Science  ·  Lazy & Laziness  ·  Leader & Leadership  ·  Learn & Learning  ·  Lebanon  ·  Lecture & Lecturer  ·  Left Wing  ·  Leg  ·  Leisure  ·  Lend & Lending  ·  Leprosy  ·  Lesbian  ·  Letter  ·  Ley Lines  ·  Libel  ·  Liberal & Liberalism & Neo-Liberalism  ·  Liberia & Liberians  ·  Liberty  ·  Library  ·  Libya & Libyans  ·  Lies & Liar & Lying  ·  Life & Search For Life (I)  ·  Life & Search For Life (II)  ·  Life After Death  ·  Life's Like That (I)  ·  Life's Like That (II)  ·  Light  ·  Lightning  ·  Like  ·  Limerick  ·  Limit & Limits  ·  Lincoln, Abraham  ·  Linen  ·  Lion  ·  Listen & Listener  ·  Literature  ·  Little  ·  Liverpool  ·  Loan  ·  Local & Civil Government  ·  Loch Ness Monster  ·  Lockerbie Bombing  ·  Logic  ·  London (I)  ·  London (II)  ·  Lonely & Loneliness  ·  Look  ·  Lord  ·  Los Angeles  ·  Lose & Loss  ·  Lot (Bible)  ·  Lottery  ·  Louisiana  ·  Love & Lover  ·  Loyal & Loyalty  ·  LSD & Acid  ·  Lucifer  ·  Luck & Lucky  ·  Luke (Bible)  ·  Lunacy & Lunatic  ·  Lunar Society  ·  Lunch  ·  Lungs  ·  Lust  ·  Luxury  
<L>
Limerick
L
  Labor & Labour  ·  Labour Party (GB)  ·  Ladder  ·  Lake & Lake Monsters  ·  Lamb  ·  Land  ·  Language  ·  Laos  ·  Las Vegas  ·  Lass  ·  Last Words  ·  Latin  ·  Laugh & Laughter  ·  Law & Lawyer (I)  ·  Law & Lawyer (II)  ·  Laws of Science  ·  Lazy & Laziness  ·  Leader & Leadership  ·  Learn & Learning  ·  Lebanon  ·  Lecture & Lecturer  ·  Left Wing  ·  Leg  ·  Leisure  ·  Lend & Lending  ·  Leprosy  ·  Lesbian  ·  Letter  ·  Ley Lines  ·  Libel  ·  Liberal & Liberalism & Neo-Liberalism  ·  Liberia & Liberians  ·  Liberty  ·  Library  ·  Libya & Libyans  ·  Lies & Liar & Lying  ·  Life & Search For Life (I)  ·  Life & Search For Life (II)  ·  Life After Death  ·  Life's Like That (I)  ·  Life's Like That (II)  ·  Light  ·  Lightning  ·  Like  ·  Limerick  ·  Limit & Limits  ·  Lincoln, Abraham  ·  Linen  ·  Lion  ·  Listen & Listener  ·  Literature  ·  Little  ·  Liverpool  ·  Loan  ·  Local & Civil Government  ·  Loch Ness Monster  ·  Lockerbie Bombing  ·  Logic  ·  London (I)  ·  London (II)  ·  Lonely & Loneliness  ·  Look  ·  Lord  ·  Los Angeles  ·  Lose & Loss  ·  Lot (Bible)  ·  Lottery  ·  Louisiana  ·  Love & Lover  ·  Loyal & Loyalty  ·  LSD & Acid  ·  Lucifer  ·  Luck & Lucky  ·  Luke (Bible)  ·  Lunacy & Lunatic  ·  Lunar Society  ·  Lunch  ·  Lungs  ·  Lust  ·  Luxury  

★ Limerick

Limerick: see Epitaph & Poem & Comedy & Laughter & Humour & Literature & Criticism

Dixon Lanier Merritt - Victor Gray - Maurice Evan Hare - Anonymous & Author Unknown - Michael R Burch - Ogden Nash - Ghoulsline - Kenny Thompson - Substrate - Edward Gorey - John Ciardi - esias -

 

 

52,195.  Oh, a wondrous bird is the pelican!

His beak holds more than his belican.

He takes in his beak

Food enough for a week.

But I’ll be darned if I know how the helican.  (Bird & Limerick)  Dixon Lanier Merritt

 

 

79,372.  Charloote Bronte said, ‘Wow, sister!  What a man!

He laid me face down on the ottaman:

Now don’t you tell Emily

Go telling the family –

But he smacked me upon my bare bottom, Anne!’  Victor Gray

 

 

95,083.  When our dean took a pious young spinster

On his cultural tour of York Minster,

What they did in the clerestory

Is rather a queer story –

But none of us hold it against her.  Victor Gray

 

 

95,084.  A tax-car whore out at Iver

Would do the round trip for a fiver

- Quite reasonable, too,

For a sightsee, a screw,

And a ten-shilling tip to the driver.  (Limerick & Taxi)  Victor Gray 

 

 

79,373.  There once was an old man who said, ‘Damn!

It is borne in upon me I am

An engine that moves

In determinate grooves

I’m not even a bus, I’m a tram.’  (Limerick & Tram)  Maurice Evan Hare, Limerick 1905 

 

 

79,374.  There was a young lady named Bright

Who traveled much faster than light.

She set out one day

In a relative way,

And came back the previous night.  (Limerick & Light & Theory of Relativity)  Anonymous, attributed to Arthur Buller

 

 

79,377.  There was a young man from Savannah

Who died in a curious manner:

He whittled a hole

In a telephone pole

And electrified his banana.  (Limerick & Penis)  Anonymous

 

 

79,378.  There was a young gal name of Sally

Who loved an occasional dally.

She sat on the lap

Of a well-endowed chap

Crying, ‘Gee, Dick, you’re right up my alley!’  (Limerick & Penis)  Anonymous

 

 

79,379.  There once was a maid from Madras

Who had a magnificent ass.

Not rounded and pink,

as you’d possibly think;

It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.  Anonymous

 

 

95,069.  There was a young woman called Starky

Who had an affair with a darky,

The result of her sins

Was quadruplets, not twins:

One black, and one white, and two khaki.  Anonymous   

 

 

95,075.  A vice most obscene and unsavoury

Holds the Bishop of Balham in slavery:

With maniacal howls

He rogers young owls

Which he keeps in an underground aviary.  Anonymous

 

 

95,076.  A Lesbian girl from Khartoum

Took a pansy-boy up to her room;

As they turned out the light

She said, ‘Let’s get this right –

Who does what, and with which, and to whom?’  Anonymous 

 

 

96,078.  There was a young Fellow of King’s

Who cared not for whores and such things:

His height of desire

Was a boy in choir

With a bum like a jelly on springs.  Anonymous

 

 

95,077.  An Argentine gaucho named Bruno

Declared, ‘There is one thing I do know:

A woman is fine

And a boy is divine,

But a llama is numero uno.’  Anonymous

 

 

512.  There was a young man from Moldavia

Who couldn’t believe in the saviour

So he erected instead

With himself as the head

A religion of decorous behaviour.  (Religion & Limerick & Saviour & Behaviour)  Author unknown, cited Professors A C Grayling, Hawkins & Dawkins vs. Neuberger & Spivey & Scrutton 

 

 

79,375.  Einstein, the frizzy-haired,

Claimed E equals MC squared,

Which means mass decreases

As activity ceases ...

Not my mass, my ass declared!  (Limerick & Einstein)  Michael R Burch 

 

 

79,376.  There was a young belle of old Natchez

Whose garments were always in patchez.

When comments arose

On the state of her clothes,

She replied, ‘When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez.’  (Limerick & Clothes)  Ogden Nash

 

 

36,885.  Joe’s book is a whopper, by Dickens!

With each version, the plot always thickens;

With characters, themes

And digressions it teems;

As for truth, though, it’s mighty slim pickin’s.  (Mormon & Limerick)  Ghoulsline, ‘Joe’s Book is a Wopper, by Dickens’, Best Original Mormonia Limerick, The Salamander Society 2004)

 

 

36,827.  There once was a prophet of god

who was born with a passionate rod

he asked the almighty

if it was alrighty

to have sex with more than one broad.  (Mormon & Polygamy & Limerick)  Kenny Thompson aka Shaunteez, Best Original Mormonia Limerick The Salamander Society 2000

 

 

37,140.  The age of consent in Nauvoo
Was eighteen years, it is true
But if you were bad
They’d just get your dad
To trade exaltation for you.  (Mormon & Polygamy & Limerick)  Substrate, board post 16th March 2006

 

 

88,687.  There was a young lady named Mae

Who smoked without stopping all day;

As pack followed pack,

Her lungs first turned black,

And eventually rotted away.  (Smoking & Cigarette & Limerick)  Edward Gorey, Floating Worlds

 

 

80,119.  There was a young lady from Gloucester

Who complained that her parents both bossed her,

So she ran off to Maine.

Did her parents complain?

Not at all – they were glad to have lost her.  (Maine & Limerick)  John Ciardi, The Hopeful Trout and Other Limericks 1989  

 

 

121,915.  There was an old codger call Joe
Who had forty-odd wives on the go,
He bemoaned his small todger,
Said,'Why should I bother?'
For no man can please Eliza Snow.  esias, Hold Fast to the Rod of the Lord and He Shall Give Your Succor