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★ Baby

Baby: see Birth & Children & Daughter & Son & Humanity & Self & Life & Pregnancy & Marriage & Family & Surprise

William Shatner - John Pilger TV - Leo Rosten - Roseanne Barr - The Sopranos TV - The Wild & Wonderful Whites of West Virginia TV - Scarface 1983 - Infernal Affairs 2003 - Ill Manors 2012 - Cat on a Hot Tin Roof 1958 - Star Trek: The Next Generation TV - Star Trek: Voyager TV - Proverbs - Queen Victoria - Guinness World Records - Virgil - William Ross Wallace - Lord Byron - Bernard Manning - Michael Faraday - Penn & Teller TV - Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life 1983 - Anonymous - Robert Needleman - Harvey Carp - The Young Ones TV - Ronald Knox - Diana Gabaldon - Joan Rivers - Derek TV - The Vikings Are Coming TV - The Royle Family TV - House of Surrogates TV - The Office US TV - Morgan Freeman TV - Benefits: 19 Kids & Counting TV - Mark Thomas TV - Stacey Dooley TV - Panorama TV - Ray Donovan TV - Dispatches TV - Louis Theroux TV - Babies: Their Wonderful World TV - Trailer Park Boys 2001-2018 - Love Child 2014 - The British TV -

 

 

 

Babies have big heads and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs.  So did the aliens at Roswell.  I rest my case.  William Shatner  

 

 

‘We have babies we called jellyfish babies.  Babies born on a labour-table moves up and down like this.’  John Pilger, The Coming War on China ***** Marshall Islands health worker on birth of second-generation irradiated babies, World Council of Churches speech 1983  

 

 

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.  Leo Rosten 

 

 

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies.  Don’t get married and have kids.  Have a larger life than that.’  Roseanne Barr

 

 

This child – constantly wanting the breast.  The Sopranos: Members Only s6e1 starring James Gandolfini & Lorriane Bracco & Edie Falco & Michael Imperioli & Dominic Chianese & Steven van Zandt & Tony Sirico & Robert Iler et al, Janice

 

 

The CPS has got the baby.  The Wild & Wonderful Whites of West Virginia, female to female, 2009 

 

 

I can’t even have a kid with her, man.  Her womb is so polluted I can’t even have a fucking little baby with her.  Scarface 1983 ***** starring Al Pacino & Michelle Pfeiffer & Steven Bauer & Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio & Robert Loggia & Miria Colon & F Murray Abraham et al, director Brian de Palma, Tony

 

 

I don’t want our baby to grow up like you.  Infernal Affairs II 2003 starring Anthony Wong & Eric Tsang & Carina Lau & Francis Ng & Edison Chen & Shawn Yeu & Hu Jun & Joe Cheung & Arthur Wong & Teddy Chan et al, directors Andrew Lau & Alan Mak, Girlfriend to Chan

 

 

I can't believe you sold a fucking baby.  Ill Manors 2012 starring Riz Ahmed & Ed Skrein & Keith Coggins & Lee Allen & Nick Sagar & Ryan de la Cruz & Anouska Mond & Mem Ferda & Natalie Press et al, director Ben Drew, opening commentary, bird to bloke

 

 

You’re just jealous cause you can’t have babies.  Cat on a Hot Tin Roof 1958 starring Paul Newman & Elizabeth Taylor & Burl Ives & Judith Anderson & Jack Carson & Madeleine Sherwood & Larry Gates & Vaughn Taylor, director Richard Brooks, little girl to Maggie

 

But how in hell on Earth do you imagine you’re going to have a child by a man who cannot stand you?  ibid.  Brick to Maggie

 

 

I believe she looks like Chief O’Brien.  Star Trek: The Next Generation s5e5: Disaster, Worf delivers baby

 

 

I think I’m having a contraction.  Star Trek: Voyager s2e21: Deadlock, Ensign Wildman

 

The first baby born on Voyager.  ibid.  Janeway on bridge

 

 

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.  Mid-19th century proverb

 

 

Out of the mouths of babes.  Late 19th century proverb

 

 

An ugly baby is a very nasty object.  Queen Victoria

 

 

Anna Bates (Canada) who measured 2.27 m (7 ft 5.5 in) gave birth to a boy weighing 10.8 kg (23 lb 12.8 oz) and 76 cm (30 in) in length at her home in Seville Ohio USA on 19 January 1879, but the baby died 11 hours later.  Guinness World Records 2005 (50th edition)

 

A premature baby girl weighing 280g (9.87 oz) was reported to have been born on 27 June 1989 at the Loyola University Medical Centre.  ibid.

 

 

Begin, baby boy, to recognise your mother with a smile.  Virgil, Eclogues

 

 

For the hand that rocks the cradle

Is the hand that rules the world.  William Ross Wallace, What Rules the World, 1865

 

 

A lovely being, scarcely formed or moulded,

A rose with all its sweetest leaves yet folded.  Lord Byron, Don Juan

 

 

A lad says to his dad, Where do babies come from, dad?  He says, A stork.  Lad says, Who fucks the stork?  Bernard Manning

 

 

What is the use of a baby?  Michael Faraday

 

 

Are we doing enough for our baby? ... New parents are scared shitless.  When it comes to raising their baby they will do anything ... Six billion dollars a year ... Penn & Teller, Bullshit! S1e5: Second Hand Smoke/Baby Bullshit, Showtime 2003

 

Gordon Shaw created a firestorm in the late 1990s when he published papers concluding that listening to Mozart could improve the brain’s ability to conduct spatial reasoning.  ibid.

 

 

Mother: Is it a boy or a girl?

 

Doctor: Now I think it’s a little early to start imposing rolls on it, don’t you?  Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life 1983 starring Graham Chapman & John Cleese & Terry Gilliam & Eric Idle & Michael Palin & Terry Jones & Carol Cleveland & Judie Loe & Simon Jones et al, director Terry Jones

 

 

Baby, baby, naughty baby,

Hush, you squalling thing I say.

Peace this moment, peace, or maybe

Bonaparte will pass this way.

 

Baby, baby, he’s a giant,

Tall and black as Rouen steeple,

And he breakfasts, dines, rely on’t,

Every day on naughty people.  

 

Baby, baby, if he hear you,

As he gallops past the house,

Limb from limb at once he’ll tear you,

Just as pussy tears a mouse.

 

And he’ll beat you, beat you, beat you,

And he’ll beat you all to pap,

And he’ll eat you, eat you, eat you,

Every morsel snap, snap, snap.  Anonymous, ‘Baby, Baby, Baby’

 

 

There’s a lot of hype that says children have to be exposed to all sorts of things else they’ll be crippled for life.  That’s simply not true.  It’s based on a misunderstanding of the scientific data.  Dr Robert Needleman, paediatrician

 

cf.

 

On my website I also sell CDs of the sounds of the uterus.  Dr Harvey Carp

 

 

Vyvyan’s baby will be a pauper!  Oliver Twist!  Jeffrey Dickens!  Back to Victorian values!  I hope you’re satisfied, Thatcher!  The Young Ones: Cash, Rick, BBC 1984

 

 

The baby doesn’t understand English and the Devil knows Latin.  Ronald Knox, on being asked to perform baptism in English

 

 

A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.  Ronald Knox, attributed  

 

 

Babies are soft.  Anyone looking at them can see the tender, fragile skin and know it for the rose-leaf softness that invites a finger's touch.  But when you live with them and love them, you feel the softness going inward, the round-cheeked flesh wobbly as custard, the boneless splay of the tiny hands.  Their joints are melted rubber, and even when you kiss them hard, in the passion of loving their existence, your lips sink down and seem never to find bone.  Holding them against you, they melt and mold, as though they might at any moment flow back into your body.  Diana Gabaldon, Dragonfly in Amber

 

 

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.  Joan Rivers

  

 

And they’re constantly shitting themselves.  Derek  The Special, Hannah’s objection to babies, Channel 4 2014

 

 

You’re in your thirties or forties.  Your bodyclock is ticking.  Your fertility is dropping with every passing year.  You want a baby.  You don’t have a man and you don’t want a one-night stand.  What do you do? ... Danish babies who grew up and became sperm donors.  You can now buy frozen straws of their sperm on the internet and ship them anywhere in the world.  Sue Bourne, Modern Times: The Vikings Are Coming, BBC 2015

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