They had an accident. And you know what, these two people they’re living together. They are having lots of consensual sex ... You can’t expect them to be careful every time, because frankly it’s a different sensation. ibid. Michael to reception guests
Michael: She was from Europe.
Dwight: OK. I bet she had hairy armpits. ibid.
I got them a set of turtle-boiling pots, a shell hammer and bibs. ibid.
The Fundamentals of Business by Michael Scott. Over one billion sold. More than the Bible. I’m not surprised. Chapter One ... The Businessman ... The Office US s6e6: Mafia, Michael’s book
God forbid you should have a fire in the warehouse. ibid. southern Italian salesman
Toby has mentally checked out since June. ibid. Oscar to camera
I wouldn’t last in jail, Oscar. I’m not like you ... You would love jail. ibid. Kevin
If there is one thing I hate more than the Mafia it is a liar. I wish the Mafia would go out and kill all the liars and bury them all in my yard. ibid. Michael to camera
What is so wrong about me? The Office US s6e7: The Lover, Michael
I hope you are willing to die in this office because I am. ibid. Pam
Kids, just remember suicide is never the answer. All right? It is the easy way out. You are not alone. The Office US s6e8: Koi Pond, Michael to Halloween children in warehouse
Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So actually, Jim is my enemy. But ... ibid. Dwight
I had a fish-stick sandwich. Actually I had two fish-stick sandwiches. The Office US s6e9: Double Date, Michael’s breakfast
Can’t a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they’ll owe him a favour which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him any more? Jeez. ibid. Dwight to camera
You’ll have to be more specific, Dwight. I get about eight emails a day. The Office US s6e10: Murder, Michael
You can all have jobs at Schrute farms as human scarecrows. It doesn’t pay much. And you can’t unionise. ibid. Dwight
Let’s go do some work. ibid. Jim to office
Today is the hardest I have worked in a long long time. ibid. Michael
Alan: There are many things to be optimistic about in Dunder Mifflin’s future and one of them is here with us today – Michael Scott, Scranton Branch Manager.
Dwight: Yes!
Alan: In these uncertain times, Michael has managed to maintain steady profits from his Scranton branch. We all thank you, Michael. [little applause] Another bright spot in the Dunder Mifflin landscape, our new waste-pulp re-purposing plant in Milford. [louder, more enthusiastic applause] The Office US s6e11: Shareholders’ Meeting
There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk. The Office US s6e12: Scott’s Tots, Michael to Andy
Employee of the Month. Every awesome place I’ve worked had one: Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, my summer at Enron. ibid. Michael to Jim
I just, I fell in love with these kids. And I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ’em a promise: I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life, but hands down that was the most generous. ibid. Michael
Michael: David, guess who I am sitting here dressed as.
David: I’m not going to guess. You can tell me, or I will hang up.
Michael: I will give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.
David: Michael ...
Michael: I am Jesus, David, and you know why? Because Phyllis – a woman – has usurped my role as Santa. The Office US s6e13: Secret Santa
Dunder Mifflin is about to be sold. But first an investment banker has to drop by and sign off on our branch. And I’m ... pretty nervous about it. And I’m ... making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your make-up and your press-on nails; the principles that I am applying to the office are the same ones that have made Lady Gaga a star ... or any number of drag queens. (Office & Company) The Office US s6e14: The Banker, Michael
This company does not waste time or resources ever. ibid. Michael to Toby & Kurt
This is a building where friends become lovers, and lovers become sexually interactive. ibid.
So you’ve just been bought by Sabre. You’ve probably got a lot of questions. Hi, I’m Christian Slater. What’s it like to work for Sabre? Let’s find out together. Working at Sabre means taking on the challenge of the road that rises to meet you. Sabre is respecting the past, but opening a window to the future. Have you ever tasted a rainbow? At Sabre you will. The Office US s6e15: Sabre, Christian Slater
I am a little concerned about all of these changes. ibid. Michael to new boss
You know how some people say they’re not in it for the money? Well, with all due respect to this job, I think I’m definitely in it for the money. And, quite honestly, the women. The Office US: The Manager and the Salesman s6e16, Jim
I want to have a child for business reasons. The Office US s6e17&18: The Delivery, Dwight
I’m sort of a master of distraction. ibid. Michael
I am never getting married. Like Clooney. ibid. Meredith
It is St Patrick’s Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas. The Office US s6e19: St Patrick’s Day, Michael
The way this place used to work is make friends first, make sales second, make love third, in no particular order. The Office US e6e20: New Leads
I have emailed you four times asking you to come to my desk. ibid. Angela
He doesn’t act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that we’d never get anything done. The Office US s6e21: Happy Hour, Pam’s friend
In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, Yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best! ibid. Hide
Happy Secretary’s Day. The Office US s6e22: Secretary’s Day
Her milk is coming in; she getting uncomfortable. ibid. Dwight, re Pam
It’s not about who you’ve been with, it’s about who you end up with. ibid. Pam
Dwight: I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot because of your race.
Kelly: Well they say it’s because of texting, but maybe you’re right. The Office US s6e23: Body Language
Dwight: Stop it!
Jim: Stop what?
Dwight: You’re talking about me in Morse code. Well, you know what? Joke’s on you ’cause I know Morse code. Ha!
Jim: Yeah, that’s what we’re doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
[cut to Jim and Pam in interview] Jim: Yup. That’s exactly what we did. The Office US s6e24: The Cover-Up
If I had a gun and two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. The Office US s6e25: The Chump, Michael
Since when is this an office where we delve into personal lives? ibid.
Ten minutes of silence honouring Michael Jackson. ibid.
It was either being with myself or being happy. ibid.