First Valentine from a secret admirer: Roses are red, Violets are blue, It’s time for your dental cleaning, And maybe a check-up too. The Office US s5e18: Blood Drive, Kelly
I honestly don’t know how you can work with that jackass, and that other jackass and that new jackass. ibid. Bob Vance to Jim & Pam, with Phyllis
The Willy Wonka Golden Ticket promotional idea is probably the best idea I have ever had. The Office US s5e19: Golden Ticket, Michael
What is a pallet? ibid. Michael to Darryl
I have a lot of toilet ideas. ibid. Michael
I need something classy like the opening of a car dealership. The Office US s5e20: New Boss, Michael
This little hellraiser is Angela – she has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. ibid. Michael to new boss Charles
I thrive under lack of accountability. ibid. Michael to David Wallace
I don’t need to be managed, Charles. ibid. Michael
Michael: Stanley!
Stanley: Can’t you see I’m urinating?
Michael: Listen, listen, Stanley. You don’t need to answer me now.
Stanley: No.
Michael: Just ... I want you to think about it. I am starting my own company ...
Stanley: No.
Michael: You’re not letting me finish and you just lost out on a million dollars.
Stanley: No I didn’t. The Office US s5e21: Two Weeks
Don’t patronise me, Pam. I’m not getting dressed. I’m not getting dressed. I have too many things to do before I get dressed. I need to find a hundred clients. Well it’s totally impossible! Assemble a sales team. A dream team. Ryan ... The Office US s5e22: Dream Team, Michael
I mean I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you got in there and you do mediocre work half-heartedly. ibid. Jim
I am back ... They took away my parking space but they can’t take away my pride. The Office US s5e23: Michael Scott Paper Company, Michael
I would like to invite you all to come along with me on a journey. Welcome to the Michael Scott Paper Company. ibid. Michael to Ryan and Pam
We are in the heart of it. And the surge of water carries our business out to the sea. We wait and hope people show up for the pancake luncheon. For our big grand opening pancake luncheon. ibid.
There’s a coupon for Unparalleled Customer Service. ibid.
I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. ibid. Pam
You could be hot too if you made any effort. ibid. Ryan to Pam
They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends. And they were right. ibid. Michael
I once had a dream I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. ibid. Michael to Pam & Ryan
83,733. We have the people with the biggest hearts. ibid. Michael
Andy put down a bunch of deposits on stuff for his wedding with Angela. But she was sleeping with Dwight for several years. The Office US s5e24: Heavy Competition, Jim & Pam
It’s not a dress code, it’s a death sentence. Ok thank you. It’s a straitjacket! ibid. Dwight
I know a few things about love. Horrible terrible awful awful things. ibid. Andy
Hello, traitor. I want you to listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I am going to come at you. And I am going to come at you hard. I am going to steal all of your clients. And then I am going to kill them in front of you. ibid. Michael to Dwight
Paper is the manure ... ibid. Dwight
In a war you always fought against those you are closest to. ibid.
It’s [van] a paper company now. It’s not a church. The Office US s5e25: Broke, Michael
You couldn’t ask for a better way to run a company. ibid. Charles
I wouldn’t say I have a passion for HR. The Office US s5e26: Casual Friday, Toby
Sometimes it’s best just to stay out of it. ibid. Creed
No matter how I look at this I am in the wrong. ibid. Michael
Anyone want to go to lunch with me later on? The Office US s5e27: Cafe Disco, Michael
At Dunder Mifflin there is a very strict no-lunch-with-the-boss policy. ibid.
Funk is the problem and the solution. ibid. Michael
I think Bob’s going to cheat on me with his new secretary. ibid. Phyllis to Dwight
I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. The Office US s5e28: Company Picnic
Presenting Slum Dunder Mifflionaire. ibid. Michael & Holly’s picnic sketch
I think that we are one of those couples with a long story. ibid. Michael
Michael: How long have you known about the pregnancy? A week? A month? A year?
Jim: Michael, we only told our parents last week.
Michael: Did you pee on a stick?
Jim: I did. It was inconclusive.
Michael: You should’ve told me.
Pam: You’re right. We should have realized that you are an equal part in this. The Office US s6e1: Gossip
If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward? ibid. Creed
Michael: I’m going in for a procedure today.
Oscar: Is everything ok?
Michael: Yeah. It’s routine. I’m just a little bit scared.
Oscar: I’m sure everything will be fine. What’s the procedure if you don’t mind my asking?
Michael: It is a colonoscopy.
Oscar: OK.
Michael: In your experience, what should I be expecting, in terms of sensation? Or, emotions? [pause] Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr Shandri? My main concern is should I have a safe word?
Oscar: Yeah [leaves]. The Office US s6e2: The Meeting
Please don’t talk about my breast milk. ibid. Pam to Michael
David Wallace: A cheese platter?
Andy: Oui, oui, monsieur. From the Wisconsin region: a nice, firm cheddar. Also from the great state of Wisconsin, an aged Parmesan. Here you will find here a cheddar-style spread, which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind, which I believe you will find both challenging and delicious. At that point, I would recommend you take a quick trip south of the border to the great state of Illinois where you will find this fine blue cheese dressing. If I may be so bold, it's a lot of fun to let the Goldfish take a little swim in the blue cheese. Bon appétit. ibid.
Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold, force him down to the ground and keep pressing, and pressing, flip him over and put him in a hammer lock ... The Office US s6e3: The Promotion, Dwight
You use your brain too much. Sometimes the smartest people don’t think at all. ibid. Michael to Jim
Just pretend we’re not here. ibid.
Manager: Mr Malone, your shoes are gone.
Kevin: They were stolen?
Manager: No, destroyed. When the bag was opened by our shoe shine, the smell overcame him. I too smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated actually.
Kevin: But that was my only pair of shoes.
Manager: It became a safety issue, sir. The Office US s6e4&5: Niagara