I’ve learned about his illness; let’s hope it’s nothing trivial. Irvin S Cobb
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure. Jack E Leonard
Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy. Lloyd Bentsen re Dan Quayle, responding to Dan Quayle’s claims to have ‘as much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy had when he sought the presidency’
She is so odd – a blend of Little Nell and Lady Macbeth. It is not so much the familiar phenomenon of a band of steel in a velvet glove as a lacy sleeve with a bottle of vitriol concealed in its folds. Alexander Woollcott, re Dorothy Parker
She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers. Alexander Woollcott, re Mrs Patrick Campbell
Gertrude Stein’s prose-song is a cold, black suet-pudding … Cut it at any point, it is the same thing … all fat, without nerve. Wyndham Lewis, Time and the Western Man
My name thou Jezebel of Pride and Malice
Whose Father had a hog-stey for his Pallace,
In my clear Vieins best British Bloud does flow
Whilst thou like a French Tode-stool first did grow,
And from a Birth as poor as thy Delight
Sprung up a Mushroom-Dutchess in a Night,
Nor did I ever with the Brats I bore,
The Royal Standard Stein in Monstrous gore,
Which makes thee fly to France. Where thou must rot
Or cure the Ulcers which the Bath could not. Communicating the affaires of great Britaine Number 87 pamphlet: A Dialogue Between The Duchess of Portsmouth and Madam Gwin, at parting
It is fitting that we should have buried the Unknown Prime Minister beside the Unknown Soldier. Herbert Asquith, re Bonar Law
He can’t see a belt without hitting below it. Margot Asquith, re Lloyd George
The t is silent, as in Harlow. Margot Asquith, re Jean Harlow who had been mispronouncing Margot
Lord Birkenhead is very clever but sometimes his brains go to his head. Margot Asquith
Thackeray settled like a meat-fly on whatever one had got for dinner, and made on sick of it. John Ruskin, Fors Clavigera, 1871-84
Hello, cheese-eating scumbags ... Satan worshipping scum. Please die and go to Hell. I hope you get a painful disease like rectal cancer and die a slow painful death so you can meet your god Satan ... P.S. Fuck you, you communist whore. Letter to editor of Free Thought Today, cited Richard Dawkins
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. Forrest Tucker
He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work he overcame them. James Reston, re Nixon
Draft dodger. Filth. Texe Marrs, re Bill Clinton
She is a witch ... She literally does practise witchcraft. Texe Marrs, re Hillary Clinton
He preferred to be good rather than to seem so. Sallust, re Cato
A venal city ripe to perish, if a buyer can of found. Sallust, re Rome
He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him. Herbert Beerbohm Tree, re Israel Zangwill
Power without responsibility: the prerogative of the harlot through the ages. Rudyard Kipling, re Lord Beaverbrook’s Daily Express’ political standpoint
For he delivers his opinions as though he were living in Plato’s Republic rather than among the dregs of Romulus. Cicero, 106-43 B.C.
Most gracious Queen, we thee implore
To go away and sin no more,
But if that effort be too great,
To go away at any rate. Author unknown, epigram on Caroline of Brunswick, cited Francis Burton’s letter to Lord Colchester 15th November 1820
His spurious brat, Tom Jones. Samuel Richardson, re Fielding
Between them, then, Walrus and Carpenter, they divided up the sixties. Bernard Levin, re Macmillan and Wilson
The Stag at Bay with the mentality of a fox at large. Bernard Levin, re Macmillan
Whom the mad would destroy, they first make gods. Bernard Levin, re Mao Zedong, 1967
If he ever went to school without any boots it was because he was too big for them. Ivor Bulmer-Thomas, Conservative politician, re Harold Wilson
English literature’s performing flea. Sean O’Casey, re P G Wodehouse
Never were abilities so much below mediocrity so well rewarded; no, not when Caligula’s horse was made Consul. John Randolph, re John Quincy Adam’s appointment of Richard Rush as Secretary of the Treasury
Alex Jones, you are a bold-faced miserable stinking little coward liar ... Don’t ever lie on me, buddy. Because I’ll chop you off at your ankles, I will chew you up, I will spit you out for the lying stinking rotten little coward that you are. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is all I have to say about Mr Sensationalist, lying, rumor-mongering bullshit artist Alex Jones ... Alex Jones is a miserable rotten little stinking cowardly bold-faced liar. Bill Cooper, The Hour of the Time 26th January 2001
David Icke is one of the biggest liars, disinformation bullshit artists, that ever lived. Stay away from this guy ... Lying scum. Bill Cooper, The Hour of the Time
America is nothing but a bunch of little chicken cowards. The vast American population, most of them, are cowards. Bill Cooper, The Hour of the Time
Most of what he [Alex Jones] says is definitely untrue. ibid.
He never penetrated words with the process of thought. Lewis Grassic Gibbon, re Ramsay MacDonald
It was related that King Abdullah is 92 years old ... remains a heavy smoker, regularly receives hormone injections and uses Viagra excessively. US diplomatic cable, viz Wikileaks
The sheer frustration of the Thatcher years. Steve Bell, cartoonist
He was a mean, spiteful, pompous bullying man. He was always sneering at ‘middle class intellectuals’. He sneered too at political theory, especially Marxist theory, which he boasted he never read. Paul Foot, re Manny Shinwell, 101 Years of Not Thinking, 1986
He is loyal to his own career but only incidentally to anything or anyone else. Hugh Dalton, re Richard Crossman, diary entry 17th September 1941
Shite. There’s not a fucking word that would describe Jo Brand to me. The unattractive, fucking awful unfunny leftie fat cow. Jim Davidson, interview The 100 Greatest Stand Ups 2010
A big cat detained briefly in a poodle parlour, sharpening her claws on the velvet. Matthew Parris, Look Behind You! re Margaret Thatcher, 1993
One of our late great poets is sunk in his reputation, because he could never forgive any conceit which came in his way; but wept like a dragnet, great and small. There was plenty enough, but the dishes were ill-sorted; whole pyramids of sweetmeats, for boys and women; but little of solid meat for me. John Dryden, re Abraham Cowley
Cousin Swift, you will never be a great poet. John Dryden
Mr Marconi is a donkey. Nikola Tesla
Rousseau was the first militant lowbrow. Isaiah Berlin, cited Observer 9th November 1952
Burn while we laugh. Letter to Brian Flemming posted on internet, author & director The God Who Wasn’t There, cited Professor Richard Dawkins