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50,949. If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it. Dorothy Parker, Life magazine 2nd June 1927
1,051. Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania. (Life’s Like That & Love & Epigram) Dorothy Parker, Comment
1,054. Guns aren’t awful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live. (Life’s Like That & Suicide & Guns & Gas & Epigram) Dorothy Parker, Resume 1937
75,269. If I had a shiny gun
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folks that cause me pains. (Gun & Epigram) Dorothy Parker
79,168. By the time you say you’re his,
Shivering and sighing
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying –
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying. (Lies & Epigram & Romance) Dorothy Parker, Unfortunate Coincidence 1937
90,199. If wild my breast and sore my pride,
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high my head
I think, How Lucky Are The Dead. (Suicide & Epigram) Dorothy Parker
90,226. I never see that prettiest thing –
A cherry bough gone white with Spring –
But what I think, How gay ’twould be
To hang me from a flowering tree. (Suicide & Tree & Epigram) Dorothy Parker, Not So Deep as a Well
63,497. If I didn’t care for fun and such,
I’d probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn. (Apathy & Epigram) Dorothy Parker, Enough Rope
91,124. There was a time
I could have said
It wooder bin better
To stay in bed.
But now I say,
‘Let’s get up!’
Why?
Dunno.
Give up. (Bed & Epigram) esias, Don’t, 1996
3,489. Hey diddle diddle
The cat and the fiddle,
God’s up there,
The devil’s down there
And here am I.
Trapped.
In the middle. (Life’s Like That & Cat & God & Devil & I & Epigram) esias, Life is a Steaming Pile of Donkey Doo-Doos c.1996
52,367.
z
z
z
z
z
z
z
z (Epigram & Lecture) esias, Waiting for a Lecture, 1997
96,719. I was working in the lab late one night
Squinting at a proton with all my might,
The brute double-bumped before my eyes –
And now I’m down for the Nobel Prize! (Proton & Epigram) esias, Smashing Atoms, 2016
74,772. And when the gorgeous coffin was laid low,
It seemed the mockery of hell to fold
The rottenness of eighty years in gold. (George III & Grave & Epigram) Lord Byron, on burial of George III
50,948. What is an Epigram? A dwarfish whole,
Its body brevity, and wit its soul. Samuel Taylor Coleridge 1772-1834, Epigram
49,650. What is a communist? One who has yearnings
For equal division of unequal earnings;
Idler or bungler, or both, he is willing
To fork out his penny and pocket his shilling. (Communism & Epigram) Ebenezer Elliott, Epigram 1850
50,950. Some say, that Signor Bononcini,
Compared to Handel’s a mere ninny;
Others aver, to him, that Handel
Is scarcely fit to hold a candle.
Strange! That such high dispute should be
’Twixt Tweedledum and Tweedledee. John Byrom, on feuds between Handel & Bononcini, The London Journal 5th June 1725
74,777. God bless the king, I mean the faith’s defender;
God bless – (no harm in blessing) – the pretender;
But who pretender is, and who is king,
God bless them all – that’s quite another thing. (George III & Epigram) John Byrom, Extempore Intended to Allay the Violence of Party Spirit
74,778. Come all ye foreign strolling gentry,
Into Great Britain make your entry;
Abjure the Pope, and take the oaths,
And you shall have meat, drink, and clothes. (George III & Epigram) John Byrom, Four Epigrams on the Naturalization Bill (I)