George Carlin - Julian Clary - Tim Vine - Paul Gauguin - Frankie Howerd - Oscar Wilde - Voltaire - Frank Capra - Barbara Bush - Sid Vicious - Tommy Cooper - Ken Dodd - Kenneth Williams - Les Dawson - John Lennon - Anthony Trollope - Artur Schnabel - Johnny Cash - Alfred Hitchcock - Orson Welles - Quentin Tarantino - Laurence Olivier - Judy Garland - Discovering Hamlet TV - Billy Graham - Robert Tressell – The Walk 2015 - Stephen Booth - Bob Hope - Jeb Bush - Joe Biden - Richard Dawkins - The League of Gentlemen Live 2019 -
If there is a God may he strike this audience dead. George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another. George Carlin
Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it’s a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, ‘Well, OK, that’s enough of that’. George Carlin
Julian Clary/Joan Collins Fan Club: ‘There’s nothing I like more than a warm hand upon my entrance.’ Saturday Night Live, cited Utterly Outrageous X-Rated Comedy, Channel 5 2019
I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation. Tim Vine: Timtiminee Timtiminee Tim Tim to You, Edinburgh Festival 2014
The history of modern art is also the history of the progressive loss of art’s audience. Art has increasingly become the concern of the artist and the bafflement of the public. Paul Gauguin
It’s not an appeal for money – it’s all right, you've been robbed enough as it is. Heroes of Comedy: Frankie Howerd
Try if you can to force some titters. ibid.
The play was a great success, but the audience was a disaster. Oscar Wilde
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Voltaire
I made mistakes in drama. I thought drama was when actors cried. But drama is when the audience cries. Frank Capra
Somewhere out in this audience may even by someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the president's spouse. I wish him well. Barbara Bush
American audiences are just the same as any other audiences. Except a bit more boring. Sid Vicious
I can always tell when an audience is going to be good or bad. Good night. Tommy Cooper
What a challenge. I’ve seen happier looking bloodhounds. Ken Dodd
You’re only as good as the audience lets you be. Ken Dodd
I’m delighted to be in a show. I couldn’t afford to be in the audience. Tommy Cooper
The audience will come with you if they believe you. Kenneth Williams, Fantabulosa! BBC 2006
Where would we be without a laugh? Here. Les Dawson
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewellery. John Lennon, Royal Variety Performance 1963
The first necessity for good speaking is a large audience. Anthony Trollope, Phineas Finn, 1869
I know two kinds of audiences only – one coughing, and one not coughing. Artur Schnabel, My Life and Music, 1961
You’ve got a song you’re singing from your gut, you want that audience to feel it in their gut. And you’ve got to make them think that you’re one of them sitting out there with them too. They've got to be able to relate to what you’re doing. Johnny Cash
Youngsters are the most discerning audience. They want entertainment, they want issues. Shahrukh Khan
Always make the audience suffer as much as possible. Alfred Hitchcock
I want to give the audience a hint of a scene. No more than that. Give them too much and they won’t contribute anything themselves. Give them just a suggestion and you get them working with you. That’s what gives the theatre meaning: when it becomes a social act. Orson Welles
I don’t believe in elitism. I don’t think the audience is this dumb person lower than me. I am the audience. Quentin Tarantino
Lead the audience by the nose to the thought. Laurence Olivier
I try to bring the audience’s own drama – tears and laughter they know about – to them. Judy Garland
And then he has that dark side in him which must frighten the audience ... There’s something diabolical in him. Discovering Hamlet with David Tennant, Christopher Plummer, Sky Arts 2012
I spoke to a million in one service, in Korea, in Seoul. And that was the largest audience I ever have had. Billy Graham
Owen accordingly ascended the steps ...
‘Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, it is with some degree of hesitation that I venture to address myself to such a large, distinguished, fashionable, and intelligent looking audience as that which I have the honour of seeing before me on the present occasion.’ Robert Tressell, The Ragged Trousered Philanthropist
There is no show without an audience. The Walk 2015 starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Charlotte Le Bo & Ben Kingsley & Clement Sibony & James Badge Dale & Cesar Domboy & Ben Schwartz Benedict Samuel & Steve Valentine at el, director Robert Zemeckis, circus dude to hero
The wrong sentry challenges, and the other corrects the oddity instantly. Francisco is sick at heart, but neither he nor Bernado gives any sign that further comment might be in order ... Audiences want their bearings and expect them to be given. Stephen Booth, On the Value of Hamlet
Throughout the play, the audience gets information or sees action it once wanted only after a new interest has succeeded the old. ibid.
This is what I like – a captive audience. Bob Hope, reception for POWs, cited Hearts & Minds, 1974
When I first started in Vaudeville the only thing that kept me alive was the vegetables the audience threw at me. Bob Hope, cited Comedy Legends s1e5: Bob Hope
Please clap. Jeb Bush, cited How to Lose the Presidency, History 2017
Stand up, Chuck. Let me see ya. Joe Biden, to Chuck in wheelchair, cited ibid.
I guess what I’m trying to say without boring you too long at breakfast – and you all look dull as hell, I might add. The dullest audience I have ever spoken to. Just sitting there, staring at me. Pretend you like me! Joe Biden, to Turkish-American & Azerbaijani-American Obama donors 27 April 2012
I’m keeping a tally of the people walking out – I think it’s about three or four so far. Richard Dawkins, lecture October 2006
I’m just going to creep amongst you now and let’s see who I can finger. Herr Lipp, The League of Gentlemen – Live, BBC 2019