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1. But folks I have to tell you in the bullshit department a businessman can’t hold a candle to a clergyman. Because when it comes to bullshit, bigtime major-league bullshit, you have to stand in awe – in awe – of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims – Religion. No contest. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people, many of them adults, that there’s an invisible man who lives in the sky and watches everything they do, every minute of every day, and has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send You to remain and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever to the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. He always needs money. He is all-powerful, all perfect, all-knowing and all-wise, somehow he just can’t handle money. Religion takes in billions of dollars, pays no taxes and somehow they always need a little more. Now you talk about a good bullshit story – holy shit! (God & Elohim & Religion & Tithing & Money & Belief & Faith & Hell & Life’s Like That & God's Fascism & Comedy & Bullshit) George Carlin, Napalm and Silly Putty audio
9,415. So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. (Death & Life’s Like That & Fun & Hell) George Carlin, Brain Droppings
69,221. The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God’s infinite love. That's the message we’re brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options. (Damnation & Hell) Bill Hicks
9. Who made the world I cannot tell; ’tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed. (God & World & Hell) A E Housman
105. Why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell? (God & Church & Hell) Homer Simpson
96,062. To mortal men, he with his horrid crew
Lay vanquisht, rowling in the fiery Gulfe
Counfounded though immortal: But his doom
Reserv’d him to more wrath; for now the though
Both of lost happiness and lasting pain
Torments him. John Milton, Paradise Lost 1:51-56
96,063. Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace
And rest can never dwell, hope never comes
That comes to all; but torture without end
Still urges, and a fiery Deluge, fed
With ever-burning Sulphur unconsum’d. ibid. 1:65-69
47,309. To perish rather, swallowed up and lost
In the wide womb of uncreated night,
Devoid of sense and motion? ibid. 1:149
6,408. The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav’n of Hell, or a Hell of Heav’n. (Mind & Heaven & Hell & Devil) ibid. 1:255-256
47,197. Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav’n. (Hell & Heaven & Devil) ibid. 1:263, Lucifer's soliloquy
47,300. First Moloch, horrid king besmeared with blood
Of human sacrifice, and parents’ tears. ibid. 1:392
47,301. Astarte, queen of heaven, with crescent horns. ibid. 1:439
47,302. And when night
Darkens the streets, then wander forth the sons
Of Belial, flown with insolence and wine. ibid. 1:500
47,303. The imperial ensign, which full high advanced
Shone like a meteor streaming to the wing. ibid. 1:536
47,304. A shout that tore hell’s concave, and beyond
Frighted the reign of Chaos and old Night. ibid. 1:542
47,305. Who overcomes
By force, hath overcome but half his foe. (Hell & Force) ibid. 1:648
47,306. Mammon led them on,
Mammon, the least erected spirit that fell
From heaven, for even in heaven his looks and thoughts
Were always downward bent, admiring more
The riches of heaven’s pavement, trodden gold,
Then aught divine or holy else enjoyed
In vision beatific. ibid. 1:678
47,307. Let none admire
That riches grow in hell; that soil may best
Deserve the precious bane. ibid. 1:690
47,308. Pandemonium, the high capital
Of Satan and his peers. ibid. 1:756
47,310. Belial, in act more graceful and humane;
A fairer person lost not heaven; he seemed
For dignity composed and high exploit:
But all was false and hollow; though his tongue
Dropped manna, and could make the worse appear
The better reason. ibid. 2:109
47,311. Unrespited, unpitied, unreprieved,
Ages of hopeless end. (Hell & Age) ibid. 2:185
47,312. Thus Belial with words clothed in reason’s garb
Counselled ignoble ease, and peaceful sloth,
Not peace. ibid. 2:226
47,198. Free, and to none accountable, preferring
Hard liberty before the easie yoke
Of servile Pomp. ibid. 2:255 - 258, Mammon’s soliloquy
47,313. Our torments also may in length of time
Become our elements. (Hell & Torment) ibid. 2:274
47,314. Long is the way
And hard, that out of hell leads up to light. ibid. 2:432
47,315. The parching air
Burns frore, and cold performs the effect of fire. (Hell & Air & Cold) ibid. 2:594
47,316. Black it stood as night,
Fierce as ten Furies, terrible as hell,
And shook a dreadful dart. ibid. 2:670
47,317. I fled, and cried out Death!
Hell trembled at the hideous name, and sighed
From all her caves, and back resounded Death. ibid. 2:787
47,318. With ruin upon ruin, rout on rout,
Confusion worse confounded. ibid. 2:995
47,319. Into a limbo large and broad, since called
The Paradise of Fools, to few unknown. ibid. 3:495
50,987. Me miserable! Which way shall I fly
Infinite wrath, and infinite despair?
Which way I fly is hell; myself am hell. (Devil & Hell) ibid. 3:73
12,370. And hell itself will pass away,
And leave her dolorous mansions to the peering day. (Jesus & Hell) John Milton, On the Morning of Christ’s Nativity