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Q) Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the cliff?
A) Tequila. Joe Pasquale, cited The 100 Greatest Comedians 2010, attributions & variations
Wife and servant are the same,
But only differ in the name. Mary Lady Chudleigh, Poems: To the Ladies
300 wife fairs ... Wives fairs were technically against the law ... The woman was the property of her husband, so why should he not sell her like a piece of meat? Amanda Vickery, Suffragettes: Forever! The Story of Women and Power ***** BBC 2015
cf.
I don’t see why men who have got wives they don’t want shouldn’t get rid of them as they do their old horses. The Mayor of Casterbridge 2003 starring Ciaran Hinds & James Purefoy & Jodhi May & Polly Walker & Juliet Aubrey & Darren Hawks & Jean Marsh & Michael Beint & Clive Russell & John Surman & Susan Jane Tanner et al, director David Thacker, opening scene
No slave is a slave to the same lengths, and in so full a sense of the word, as a wife is. John Stuart Mill, The Subjection of Women
You have a wife, Uriah? David and Bathsheba 1951 starring Gregory Peck & Susan Hayward & James Robinson Justice & Jayne Meadows & Raymond Massey & Kieron Moore et al, director Henry King
Wives don’t nag; they discuss. Rear Window 1954 starring James Stewart & Grace Kelly & Wendell Corey & Thelma Ritter & Raymond Burr & Judith Evelyn & Ross Bagdasarian & Georgine Darcy & Sara Berner & Frank Cady et al, director Alfred Hitchcock, bloke on dog n bone
Delete the wife. Star Trek: Voyager s6e11: Fair Haven, Janeway to computer
I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing. Prince Philip
I say, this is a jolly wizard lunch, Anne. You really are going to make someone a great little wife one day. The Comic Strip Presents ... Five Go Mad In Dorset starring Peter Richardson & Adrian Edmonson & Dawn French & Jennifer Saunders & Robbie Coltrane et al, Dick, Channel 4 1982
I’ve got everything I want there in your mother. Are you going to make that cup of tea, Barb, or what? The Royle Family s1e2: Making Ends Meet, Jim, BBC 1998
My wife – she will be back here in four hours and she can kill a man at ten paces with one blow of her tongue. Fawlty Towers: The Builders s1e2, Basil to O’Reilly, BBC 1975
What husband hasn’t at some time wanted to kill his wife? House on Haunted Hill 1959 starring Vincent Price & Carolyn Craig & Elisha Cook & Carol Ohmart & Alan Marshal & Julie Mitchum & Richard Long et al, director William Castle
She who must be obeyed. Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Younger Generation s1e1, Rumpole to son, ITV 1978
Harris, I am not well; pray, get me a glass of brandy. George IV, on seeing Caroline of Brunswick, his future wife
She’s more than a mistress. She’s more than a wife. She’s a mother. She’s a daughter. She’s an errant child. She can make you laugh. She can make you cry. Peter Cook, interview Clive Anderson Talks Back 1993
What is it then to have or have no wife,
But single thraldom, or a double strife? Francis Bacon, The World, 1629
Now Giant Despair had a wife, and her name was Diffidence. John Bunyan, The Pilgrim’s Progress
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates
I was cleaning out the attic last week with the wife. Filthy dirty covered in cobwebs. But she’s good with the kids. Tommy Cooper
You can’t explore the world with an agoraphobic wife, Phil. The Armstrong and Miller Show, November 2010
Run away. Just dump everything and run and never look back. Where? I don’t care where. Just run away from this cheap, vulgar, filthy life. It’s turned me into a pathetic old wreck. A pathetic old half-wit in front of that stupid, petty, evil, evil miser of a woman I’m married to. Run away from a wife who has tormented me for thirty-three years. Chekhov: Comedy Shorts: The Dangers of Tobacco starring Steve Coogan, Sky Arts 2010
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness. William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew IV i 194, Petruccio
There’s none but asses will be bridled so. William Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors II i 14, Adriana to Luciana
Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband? William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet III ii 97, Juliet to Nurse
O he is as tedious
As a tired horse, a railing wife ...
I had rather live
With cheese and garlic, in a windmill, far,
Than feed on cates and have him talk to me
In any summer house in Christendom. William Shakespeare, I Henry IV III i 156-160, Hotspur to Mortimer et al
Portia: Dwell I but in the suburbs
Of your good pleasure? If it be no more,
Portia is Brutus’ harlot, not his wife.
Brutus: You are my true and honourable wife,
As dear to me as are the ruddy drops
That visit my sad heart. William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar II i 285
O ye gods,
Render me worthy of this noble wife! ibid. II i 303
What should such a fool
Do with so good a wife? William Shakespeare, Othello Vii 240-241, Emilia
My wife ought not even to be under suspicion. Julius Caesar, cited Cicero cf. proverb ‘Caesar’s wife must be above suspicion’
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen
Diane Keating: What did your wife do?
Woody Allen: She was a hitman for the Mafia. Sleeper 1973 starring Woody Allen & Diane Keaton & John Beck & Marya Small & Susan Miller & Mary Gregory & Don Keefer & Peter Hobbs & John McLiam & Bartlett Robinson & Chris Forbes et al, director Woody Allen
The comfortable estate of widowhood, is the only hope that keeps up a wife’s spirits. John Gay, The Beggar’s Opera, 1728
My wife, who, poor wretch, is troubled with her lonely life. Samuel Pepys, diary 19th December 1662
Is your wife a goer, eh? Know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge nudge … nudge nudge, say no more … a nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat … nudge, nudge, say no more … Is your wife interested in photographs, eh? Monty Python’s Flying Circus s1e3, BBC 1969