How happy a thing were a wedding,
And a bedding,
If a man might purchase a wife
For a twelvemonth and a day;
But to live with her all a man’s life,
For ever and for aye,
Till she grow as grey as a cat,
Good faith, Mr Parson, I thank you for that! Thomas Flatman, 1637-1688, On Marriage
Mr Tyson, you may now kiss your money goodbye. I now declare you totally bankrupt. You shall go forth from here as man and ex-wife in a state of holy alimony. May the lawyers be with you now and for ever more. Spitting Image s5e5, re Mike Tyson’s wedding, ITV 1988
I think this whole wedding’s been a shambles. I mean half our relatives have been killed. Some of them came a bloody long way. The Comic Strip Presents s4e6: Les Dogs, Channel 4 1990
That’s £22 wedding and reception. You can’t get better than that now. This is England 86 I II III IV ***** Channel 4 2010, Woody
And the five gallons of botulism sorbet which seem to have gone down so well. The New Statesman s2e6: May the Best Man Win, B’stard as best man and caterer, ITV 1989
In 1840 two twenty-year-olds became the most famous couple on Earth – the marriage of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg was a pivotal moment in British history. What began as an arranged marriage became the greatest royal love story of all time. Lucy Worsley, Victoria & Albert: The Royal Wedding, BBC 2018
She left us her thoughts – 141 volumes of them. ibid.
The Royal Couple celebrated with the most lavish wedding breakfast – more than a hundred dishes. ibid.
This is ridiculous. I need the wedding money back right now. Trailer Park Boys s10e7: Up in Smoke We Go, Ricky to Julian, with Bubbles
Andrew married feisty Fergie. These were weddings the whole world wanted; everyone loved them. Diana Spencer and Sarah Ferguson were box office. But gosh did they upset family dynamics. Paxman on the Queen’s Children, Channel 5 2019
This is Britain in the summer of 1981. Thatcher, Duran Duran, rioting, and the Royal Wedding of the century. A 20-year-old bride and her prince charming captivated the nation. Three-quarters of a billion watched around the world. But behind the scenes all was not well. Publicly, there was a united front. Privately, there was doubt, fear and heartbreak. This is the revealing and shocking story of the seven days that led up to Charles’ and Diana’s wedding. Charles & Diana: The Truth Behind Their Wedding, Channel 5 2020
There were signs all was not well. In four months, Diana’s waist had shrunk by over five inches … ‘She looked beautiful but she had melted away.’ ibid.
‘… mismatched … doomed, utterly doomed …’ ibid. Nicholas Soames
The wedding was a welcome respite for Mrs Thatcher’s struggling government. ibid.
At the age of 32 the pressure was on, and Charles knew it. He had already asked at least two women to marry him. ibid.
Had Diana fallen in love with the romantic idea of a prince rather than Charles himself? ibid.
But Diana was overwhelmed and behind closed doors broke down again. Powerless to stop the juggernaut, there was nothing Diana could do. The public saw none of it. ibid.
With less than forty-eight hours to go, Charles danced once with Diana, then spent the rest of the time on the dance floor with Camilla. ibid.
My wife and I have been invited to a wedding in mid June. A distant cousin, whom I haven’t seen in donkey’s years, sent me a invite card along with wanting to know a confirmation date.
Quite frankly, I can’t stand these fucking things whether its a wedding, a christening, some cunt’s birthday or anniversary etc. I hate the family gatherings and all the faffing about with the small talk and the strain of putting on a fixed smile for hours on end. Not only that, but it’s the hassle and expense of getting to the venue (in this case Portsmouth, which is about 7 hours and almost 400 miles from where I live in the Lake District). Add to that the expense of a hotel for the night, plus a gift for the happy bastards, followed by the long trek home.
I am now desperately trying to think of a good enough excuse not to go! But the only snag is that there’s an 18th birthday party I’ve been invited too a couple of months later on, which means thinking of an excuse not to go to that as well.
Perhaps its because I’m in my late 50s and I just don’t have the patience or the inclination to bother with these social/family gatherings; all I want is a peaceful life away from all the bollocks. But it really is a pain in the arse trying to think up plausible excuses not to go to these things, but without coming over as a right old miserable cunt. is-a-cunt online letter Technocunt 7 March 2020
Two Aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. Tommy Cooper
Do you know why they call them shotgun weddings? Cos they can go off at any time. Lock, Stock … And Spaghetti Sauce, Channel 4 2000