MORMONS I: A Peculiar People:
esias - Mark Twain - The New York Times - Kay Burningham - Bill Maher - kolobian - Richard Dawkins - Christopher Hitchens - Steve Benson - Jeffrey Dodo Holland - Harold Bloom - Gordon B Hinckley - Mootman - David A Bednar - Peggy Fletcher Stack - Richard C Edgley - Marlin Jensen - Margaret Toscano - Richard Ostling - Harold B Lee - Brigham Young - Laurence Moore - Jim Whitefield - Mark Morford - Jon Krakauer - Arthur Conan Doyle - Noah Feldman - Franklin Graham - Sam Harris - Emo Philips - Austin Powers in Goldmember 2002 - Chronicle 2012 - Michael Ruse - Bob McCue - anonski22 - raptorJesus - lightfingerlouie - Infymus - Salt Lake Crawler - Joseph Fielding Smith - Ezra Taft Benson - Runtu - SLDrone - Skeptical - Ladibug69 - life redux - The Mad Jesuit - Tal Bachman - George Orwell - Neil LaBute - Gordon Bowen - Mary Ann Benson - Anonymous & Author Unknown - Ensign 1995 - Ensign - Richard Scott - J Reuben Clark - Improvement Era - Doctrine & Covenants 9:8 - David Breese - Temple Recommend Interview - Mormon Temple Endowment Ceremony - Paul James Toscano - Helamonster - Wilford Woodruff - Beth - Joseph F Smith - CdnXMo - Thomas Monson - D Todd Christofferson - David Wright - The Young Woman's Journal - Oliver B Huntington - Ezra Booth - Richard Packham - Boyd K Packer - Makurosu - Salt Lake Tribune - Dallin H Oaks - Bruce R McConkie - Soothseeker - D Michael Quinn - George Q Cannon - Ben E Rich - Hugh B Brown - Makuroro - Russell M Nelson - hangar18 - Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret TV - Julia Sweeney - Helen Whitney - The Book of Mormon (Musical) -
81,386. Simple. There’s this family living in Jerusalem 600 B.C. and the father starts having strange dreams in bed. The family is quite normal and believes in an invisible man who lives in the clouds. This invisible God – a scrap metal merchant – sends a messenger (who they can see) to commit murder and seize a shedload of gold. Naturally, the old man takes his family into the desert in search of the promised land. The family builds a magic ship and eventually they land in (New York, North America, Central America - delete as appropriate). The family breeds faster than rabid rabbits, splits into two gangs – the Bloods (Lamanites) and the Scriptures (Nephites) – oh and Jesus the Main Man pops in for a visit – erm, and once having received the true gospel, the Bloods (Lamanites) start turning from black to white – a bit like Michael Jackson. Then the two gangs go at it like John Wayne stylie – like we are talking millions of soldiers who are peed off because they have no television – like and then, right, the bones of the dead magically disappear, and God is peeing himself because he is on a mission to tell people this uplifting story, so he writes down the story on gold plates, but with loads of circumlocutions, tautologies, oddisms, plagiarisms, anachronisms to throw us off the true scent of God, and then God because he hasn’t got off his ass for eighteen hundred years conjures a brilliant plan to form an alliance with a a mendacious, magic-treasure-hunting, con-man paedophile sociopath with God's light shining out of his bottom, and even his farts smelling of roses, so you shut up – right – now you shut up right, you shut your Jack-Mormon face, ’cause Joseph Smith really really is true, and. my sister has a picture of him on her wall, but here’s the rub – and for a mere ten per cent of your income and eighty per cent of your time, you too can have the privilege to clean toilets, rub along with the scum of society, wear magic underpants, abandon all reason, own a tube of magic oil, and worship a fascist sadistic mass-killing empire-building maniac.
Mormonism. You know it makes sense. esias, board post June 2015 ‘We Can Prove the Book of Mormon is Not True’
37,221. If the Morg had any real sense of solidarity with the rest of humanity, its membership, lock, stock and two filthy barrels, would say to God: ‘You can stuff your Celestial Kingdom and promise of jam tomorrow with a shower of blessings. Unless, God, you admit your multiple acts of abuse and abandonment, we are not prepared to go ahead without our other brothers and sisters.’ Instead, the members seem motivated by a private fascist utopia of a separate kingdom where presumably they can patronise the rest of us with how we need to fast and pray more, and need to confess our many blasphemies to the Bishop. (Mormon & Solidarity) esias, board post 9th February 2009 ‘The Mormon Cult’s Weakest Trait: Solidarity’
37,222. Your systematic programming to bask in the glory from birth that you are speshul, from a chosen generation and worthy of your mo-God’s speshul attention is so intoxicating that few experiences in life can match the cold-turkey of discovering that you have been duped. We were blind to the big picture that to hanker for a separate fascist paradise is sticking two fingers up to the rest of the human race – the Dawkins objection of separating the ‘Them’ from the ‘Us’.
We know that the Morg’s weakest trait is Solidarity and that if the Collective had any real sense of human loyalty they would tell their mo-God to stuff the promise of a separate utopia until we have made a united protest against the Monster that dumped us here. Any Monster that can dump a third of His children in Hell and dump the rest of us on a lone and dreary planet is certainly capable of consigning the lot of us to Outer Darkness. But to sit in judgment on His own children and to separate the chosen few by Grace (certainly not by deeds as it is difficult to detect exactly what the mo-children have done to merit such reward) is so repugnant that their reward seems to be based on their willingness to betray their brothers and sisters. (Mormon & Solidarity) esias, board post 12th March 2009 ‘Their mo-God is the Star Player of Systematic Human Betrayal’
37,223. You are God. And may I say a rather successful Fascist Intergalactic Mormon God. You are a natural. Long story but you're kept busy weeding out the masturbators, forgetting to answer prayers, taking a 10% tithe, and excommunicating liberal trouble-makers. The first thing you're going to do is get angry, get really racist and misogynistic angry, curse the ground, curse the waters, get mean, curse women with more than one ear-ring, and a plague on all your houses:
‘Here are many dangers upon the waters, and more especially hereafter; for I, the Lord, have decreed in mine anger many destructions upon the waters; yea, and especially upon these waters. Nevertheless, all flesh is in mine hand, and he that is faithful among you shall not perish by the waters ... Behold, I, the Lord, in the beginning blessed the waters; but in the last days, by the mouth of my servant John, I cursed the waters. Wherefore, the days will come that no flesh shall be safe upon the waters. And it shall be said in days to come that none is able to go up to the land of Zion upon the waters, but he that is upright in heart. And, as I, the Lord, in the beginning cursed the land, even so in the last days have I blessed it, in its time, for the use of my saints, that they may partake the fatness thereof. And now I give unto you a commandment that what I say unto one I say unto all, that you shall forewarn your brethren concerning these waters, that they come not in journeying upon them, lest their faith fail and they are caught in snares; I, the Lord, have decreed, and the destroyer rideth upon the face thereof, and I revoke not the decree. I, the Lord, was angry with you yesterday, but today mine anger is turned away.’ (Doctrine and Covenants 61:4-6 & 14-20)
My boy Thomas Manson – I've got a coke problem, ho no, it's Pepsi – gave some excellent advice recently on the familial benefits of giving your wife a slap. Mormon prophets rarely venture out of their luxury apartments, but when they do they feel more at home naturally in Fascist countries. ‘One of the great leaders of Latin America.’ said Spencer W Kimball of General Pinochet.
Mormons believe that liberals will go straight to Hell, and probably should be subject to blood atonement.
‘The self-called liberal is usually one who has broken with the fundamental principles or guiding philosophy of the group to which he belongs ... He claims membership in an organization but does not believe in its basic concepts; and sets out to reform it by changing its foundations.
‘It is folly to speak of a liberal religion, if that religion claims that it rests upon unchanging truth.’ (Dr John A Widtsoe)
Prophets should not attempt to communicate with their fascist God except through a salamander or through a special stone:
‘Joseph Smith would put the seer stone into a hat, and put his face in the hat, drawing it closely around his face to exclude the light; and in the darkness the spiritual light would shine. A piece of something resembling parchment would appear, and on that appeared the writing. One character at a time would appear, and under it was the interpretation in English. Brother Joseph would read off the English to Oliver Cowdery, who was his principal scribe, and when it was written down and repeated to Brother Joseph to see if it was correct, then it would disappear, and another character with the interpretation would appear. Thus the Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of God, and not by any power of man.' (Russell Nelson, A Treasured Testament, Ensign July 1993)
A good fascist intergalactic mass-murdering empire-building maniac Mormon God owes his children a duty of care to regularly kill as many of the little liberals as seems holy:
‘Since God destroyed whole cities, certainly small children were killed too. This means that God shed ‘innocent blood’ through his own violence. The shedding of innocent blood is a sin described as ‘unpardonable’ in Mormon doctrine. If God has sinned against the Holy Ghost, then he has ceased to be God, and can no longer exist as God. Since God has ‘offended these little ones’ by drowning, crushing, burning and burying them alive, as described in these verses, would it be better for your god if a millstone were placed around his neck, then tossed in the sea, as Jesus counseled?’ (Truman, board post 29th April 2008 ‘A Moral Case Against God Using the Book of Mormon’)