Bill Hartman was a comedy legend. His satirical impressions on Saturday Night Live ruffled the feathers of America’s most powerful. On The Simpsons his voice gave life to 18 iconic characters. Among his peers he was the ultimate team player. But in 1998 the home of one of America’s favourite comic actors was stormed by armed police. Breakfast shows carried the sentational news that Phil Harman had been shot to death in his own bedroom. The horror escalates when police confirm that Phil’s wife Bryann was by his side, also shot dead. Autopsy: The Last Hours of … s6e9: Phil Hartman
‘Brynn did a lot of coke, a lot of Quaaludes.’ ibid. Friend
The Hartmans’ relationship had a lot of issues. ibid.
‘Alcohol and cocaine in her system.’ ibid. pathologst
[news]: ‘Chris Farley’s brother found the 33-year-old comic dead on the floor.’ Autopsy: The Last Hours Of … s7e1: Chris Farley
Chris Farley was the larger than life comedy maverick who rose to fame on Saturday Night Live. ibid.
‘His wild behaviour does suggest a mental condition that may have led him down a self-destructive path.’ ibid. pathologist
2 a.m. Chris hits the bars for the fourth night in a row. He’s drunk and hyper, and eyewitnesses describe him as ‘on a roll’. ibid.
‘Prozac … alcohol … TCH … cocaine … GBH … crack cocaine … He had morphine in his blood …’ ibid. pathologist
Chris Farley’s heart weighted 533 grams, and that’s practically twice the normal size of a heart … He had severe coronary artery atherosclerosis, or coronary artery disease.’ ibid.
‘He was one of the worst addicts they’ve ever seen.’ ibid. comment
He’s been partying for three days without sleep. ibid.
‘Edema in the lungs reduces the body’s intake of air, and starves the brain of oxygen.’ ibid. pathologist
Bernie Mac was one of the best-loved comedians of his generation. Autopsy: The Last Hours Of … s8e5: Bernie Mac
He was hospitalised with pneumonia. After three weeks in intensive care he died at the age of fifty. ibid.
Diminuitive actor Gary Coleman was a worldwide superstar. In the 1980s his chubby cheeks, sharp wit, and trademark catchphrase captured the hearts of millions. But at the height of his fame he was plagued by health problems. And as his career stalled, he hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons … And on May 28th 2010 Gary Coleman died after an incident at his home in Utah. Autopsy: The Last Hours Of … s8e6: Gary Coleman
Gary is five years old. After two years of waiting, a doner kidney has finally been found. He undergoes a seven-hour operation for a transplant. ibid.
A years before his death, Garry was fitted with a catheter. ibid.
Gary is undergoing open-heart surgery. ibid.
This was not the first time Gary had tried to kill himself. ibid.
Evidence that Gary may have taken his own life. ibid.
This House [House of Commons] notes with sadness the 10th anniversary of the death of Bill Hicks on 26th February 1994. Records his assertion that his words would be a bullet in the heart of consumerism, capitalism and the American dream. And mourns the passing of one of the few people who may be worthy of being mentioned as inclusion with Lenny Bruce in any list of unflinchingly and painfully politically honest political philosophers. House of Commons Early Day Motion proposed by MP Stephen Pound
The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light. Bill Hicks
‘I’m going to write comedy’: We were only sixteen. American: The Bill Hicks Story ***** Houston Comedy Workshop
He was the guy out in front breaking barriers. ibid.
If I didn’t make it I’ll come back. But I’ve got to try. ibid. Bill’s Mum
I’ll have seven Margaritas. ibid. Bill tries alcohol
There is Bill Hicks and then there is everybody else. ibid.
How much can we get Bill to take on stage? ibid.
Bill quit drinking in February of ’88. ibid.
Now he’d gone sober we were just proud of him. ibid.
He came straight from the chemo treatment. ibid.
This is my final performance I’ve ever going to do. ibid.
Bill regularly tops comedy polls, and is often referred to as the comedian’s comedian. ibid.
I’m so tired. I need my sleep; I make no bones about it. I need eight hours a day and ten at night and I’m good. Bill Hicks, Sane Man *****
I’ve noticed a certain anti-intellectualism going round this country, man, ever since 1980. ibid.
I don’t know if I want to be awake that long in Tennessee. ibid.
I was in Nashville, Tennessee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I’m not proud of it. I was hungry. And I’m alone; I’m eating and I’m reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: ‘Hey, whatcha readin’ for?' Isn’t that the weirdest fuckin’ question you’ve ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? Well, goddamnit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well ... hmmm ... I dunno ... I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don’t end up being a fuckin’ waffle waitress. ibid.
How many non-smokers have we here tonight – non-smokers? What a bunch of whining maggots. Bunch of obnoxious self-righteous slugs … I’d quit smoking if I didn’t think I’d become one of you – I swear to God. ibid.
The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too? ibid.
Maybe you was conceived with a weak sperm or something. Maybe your dad was jacking off and your mum sat on it at the last second. Did I over-react? ibid.
I go through two lighters a day. And I’m starting to feel it. ibid.
I don’t do drugs … I want to thank management for offering … The war on drugs is hypocrisy, man. It’s not going to work. It’s a lie … The war on drugs is really a cock-sucker, isn’t it? ibid.
Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration — that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather. ibid.
What wouldn’t I not give to have a bush in my mouth right now. My God – the smell – that stinking little pink-fish … let it drip like honey … It is what it is. ibid.
I waited two thousand years to return to Earth – it’s Miller time. You know, Jesus, it doesn’t get better than this. ibid.
I am available for children’s parties, by the way. ibid.
‘Is this real, or is this just a ride?’ Bill Hicks, It’s Just a Ride, Gold 2016, on stage
‘I couldn’t understand why Bill used the F word so much.’ ibid. Bill’s dad
On October 1st 1993 Bill Hicks’ twelfth and final appearance on the David Letterman Show was cut from the transmitted programme. ibid.
I’m delighted to be in a show. I couldn’t afford to be in the audience. Tommy Cooper
‘Did you think I was funny?’ Tommy Cooper asked the Queen.
‘Yes, very funny, Tommy,’ replied the Queen.
‘Did your Mother think I was funny?’ Tommy asked.
‘Yes, she laughed non-stop,’ said the Queen.
‘Would you mind if I ask a personal question?’ Tommy asked.
‘No, you can ask, but I may not be able to answer,’ the Queen replied.
‘Who are you supporting in the Cup Final?’ asked Tommy.
‘Neither, I am impartial,’ said the Queen.
‘In that case,’ said Tommy, ‘do you mind if I have your Cup Final tickets?’ Cooperisms website, Tommy Cooper at Royal Command Performance
No man was ever surprised by failure. Cooper you see has a distinct attitude towards life. A stoic attitude, a gurgling self-awareness of the futility of human effort. And this is what raises him above the crowd. Ken Tyler, theatre critic
The funniest man ever to appear on this stage. Ed Sullivan Show
It didn’t matter what he did. People absolutely loved him. Jim Tavare