If God is what people say, there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries – and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, ‘As unhappy as God.’ Mark Twain, notebook 24 April to August 1885
If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks. He would not stoop to ask for any man's compliments, praises, flatteries; and He would be far above exacting them. I would have Him as self-respecting as the better sort of man in these regards.
He would not be a merchant, a trader. He would not buy these things. He would not sell, or offer to sell, temporary benefits of the joys of eternity for the product called worship. I would have Him as dignified as the better sort of man in this regard.
He would value no love but the love born of kindnesses conferred; not that born of benevolences contracted for. Repentance in a man’s heart for a wrong done would cancel and annul that sin; and no verbal prayers for forgiveness be required or desired or expected of that man.
In His Bible there would be no Unforgiveable Sin. He would recognize in Himself the Author and Inventor of Sin and Author and Inventor of the Vehicle and Appliances for its commission; and would place the whole responsibility where it would of right belong: upon Himself, the only Sinner.
He would not be a jealous God – a trait so small that even men despise it in each other.
He would not boast.
He would keep private His admirations of Himself; He would regard self-praise as unbecoming the dignity of his position.
He would not have the spirit of vengeance in His heart. Then it would not issue from His lips.
There would not be any hell – except the one we live in from the cradle to the grave.
There would not be any heaven – the kind described in the world’s Bibles.
He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when he could have made him happy with the same effort and he would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy. ibid.
One gets a bad habit of being unhappy. George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss
I have a wonderful house crammed with beautiful things. I did this house myself. I did a great job … Not many people would respect the choices I made … I don’t need a living. The War of the Roses 1989 starring Michael Douglas & Kathleen Turner & Danny DeVito & Marianne Sagebrecht & Sean Astin & Peter Donat & Heather Fairfield & G G Spradlin et al, director Danny DeVito, Turner unhappy
I want a divorce. I’ve thought about this a lot. I really don’t want to be married to you any more. ibid. her to him
I just want to smash your face in. [hits him] ibid. her to him
Oliver, there is no winning in this. There is only degrees of losing. ibid. DeVito to Douglas
If thou suffer injustice, console thyself; the true unhappiness is in doing it. Democritus
All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Just because you’ve got problems is no reason to be unhappy. Robert Schuller, TV evangelist, lecture to unemployed Flint car workers
I were unhappy for twenty-five years but at least I had a try. The Royle Family s1e3: Sunday Afternoon, Nana, BBC 1998