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  HAARP  ·  Habit  ·  Hair  ·  Haiti  ·  Halliburton  ·  Hamlet (Shakespeare)  ·  Handicrafts  ·  Hands  ·  Hanging  ·  Happy & Happiness  ·  Harm & Harmful  ·  Harmony  ·  Harvest  ·  Haste  ·  Hat  ·  Hate & Hatred  ·  Hawaii  ·  Head  ·  Heal & Healing  ·  Health  ·  Health & Safety  ·  Health Service & National Health Service  ·  Hear & Hearing  ·  Heart  ·  Heat  ·  Heaven  ·  Hedgehog  ·  Heists UK: Belfast Northern Bank, 2004  ·  Heists UK: Great Train Robbery, 1963  ·  Heists UK: Kent Securitas, 2006  ·  Heists UK: London Baker Street, 1971  ·  Heists UK: London Bank of America, 1975  ·  Heists UK: London Brink's Mat at Heathrow Airport, 1983  ·  Heists UK: London Hatton Garden, 2015  ·  Heists UK: London Knightsbridge, 1987  ·  Heists UK: London Millennium Dome, 2000  ·  Heists UK: London Security Express, 1983  ·  Heists US: Bank of America, San Diego, 1980  ·  Heists US: Boston Brink's Armored Car Company, 1950  ·  Heists US: Boston Isabella Gardner Art Museum, 1990  ·  Heists US: California Laguna Niguel United Bank, 1972  ·  Heists US: Florida Loomis Fargo, 1997  ·  Heists US: Hollywood Bank of America, 1997  ·  Heists US: Illinois First National Bank of Barrington, 1981  ·  Heists US: Kansas City Tivol Jewelry Store, 2010  ·  Heists US: Las Vegas Loomis Armored Car Heist, 1993  ·  Heists US: Los Angeles Dunbar Armored Heist, 1997  ·  Heists US: Miami Airport Brink’s Heist, 2005  ·  Heists US: New York Lufthansa at Kennedy Airport, 1978  ·  Heists US: New York Museum of Natural History 1964  ·  Heists US: New York Pierre Hotel, 1972  ·  Heists US: Ohio Hyatt Regency Hotel, 1994  ·  Heists: Antwerp Diamond Centre  ·  Heists: Banco Central, Fotelesa, 2005  ·  Heists: Buenos Aires Bank, 2006  ·  Heists: Mitsubishi Bank 1979  ·  Heists: Rest of the World  ·  Heists: UK  ·  Heists: US (I)  ·  Heists: US (II)  ·  Helium  ·  Hell  ·  Help & Helpful  ·  Hendrix, Jimi  ·  Henry II & Henry the Second  ·  Henry III & Henry the Third  ·  Henry IV & Henry the Fourth  ·  Henry V & Henry the Fifth  ·  Henry VI & Henry the Sixth  ·  Henry VII & Henry the Seventh  ·  Henry VIII & Henry the Eighth  ·  Heredity  ·  Heresy & Heretic  ·  Hermit  ·  Hero & Heroic  ·  Herod (Bible)  ·  Heroin (I)  ·  Heroin (II)  ·  Higgs-Boson Particle  ·  High-Wire Walking  ·  Hijack & Hijacking  ·  Hindu & Hinduism  ·  Hip-Hop  ·  Hippy & Hippies  ·  History  ·  Hittites  ·  Hoax  ·  Hobby  ·  Hole & Sinkhole  ·  Holiday & Vacation  ·  Hollywood  ·  Hologram & Holographic Principle  ·  Holy  ·  Holy Ghost  ·  Holy Grail  ·  Home  ·  Homeless & Homeslessness  ·  Homeopathy  ·  Homosexual  ·  Honduras  ·  Honesty  ·  Hong Kong  ·  Honour & Honor  ·  Honours & Awards  ·  Hood, Robin  ·  Hoover, Edgar J  ·  Hope & Hopelessness  ·  Horror & Horror Films  ·  Horse  ·  Horseracing  ·  Horus  ·  Hospital  ·  Hot  ·  Hotel  ·  Hour  ·  House  ·  House Music  ·  House of Commons  ·  House of Lords  ·  Houses of Parliament  ·  Human & Humanity & Human Being (I)  ·  Human & Humanity & Human Being (II)  ·  Human Nature  ·  Human Rights  ·  Humble & Humility  ·  Humiliation  ·  Humour & Humor  ·  Hungary & Hungarians  ·  Hunger & Hungry  ·  Hunt & Hunter  ·  Hurricane  ·  Hurt & Hurtful  ·  Husband  ·  Hutterites  ·  Hydraulics  ·  Hydrogen  ·  Hymns  ·  Hypnosis & Hypnotist  ·  Hypocrisy & Hypocrite  

★ Hotel

A blow on the head like that is worth two in the bush.  ibid.  Basil to two old ladies in lobby

 

Trespassers will be tied up with piano wire.  ibid.  Basil to Germans in lobby

 

And no need at all to mention the war.  Sorry sorry.   ibid.  Basil to Germans in restaurant

 

Don’t mention the war.  I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it all right.  ibid.  Basil to Polly

 

Here.  Watch.  Who’s this then? ... I’ll do the funny walk.  ibid.  Basil to Germans in restaurant

 

No, you hit him on the head.  You naughty moose.  ibid.  Major

 

 

A satisfied customer.  We should have him stuffed.  FAWLTY TOWER [crooked L]  Fawlty Towers s2e1: Communication Problems, Basil to Sybil, BBC 1979

 

That is Torquay, madam.  Well may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window?  Sydney Opera House perhaps?  The Hanging Gardens of Babylon?  Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically …  ibid.  Basil to Mrs Richards

 

Happy?  Yes I remember that.  ibid.  Basil to Sybil

 

 

And Harry says, Pretentious?  Moi?  WATERY FOWLS.  Fawlty Towers s2e2: The Psychiatrist, guest to Sybil

 

Fawlty, here here.  I thought you ought to know there’s a psychiatrist in the hotel.  Oh you know?  Well apparently he’s dressed up as a guest.  Well your guess is as good as mine.  ibid.  Major to Basil

 

Crazy.  She go crazy.  Crazy.  I say to her, You try to see in girl’s room and she go crazy.  ibid.  Manuel to Basil

 

There’s enough material there for an entire conference.  ibid.  Shrink to Shrink

 

Do you really imagine even in your wildest dreams that a girl like this could possibly be interested in an ageing Brilliantine stick-insect like you?  ibid.  Sybil to Basil

 

I’m fed up with you, you rancorous coiffured old sow.  ibid.  Basil to Sybil

 

 

What the hell’s wrong with this country?  You can’t get a drink after three, you can’t eat after nine – is the War still on?  FLAY OTTERS.  Fawlty Towers s2e3: Waldorf Salad, American guest to Basil

 

Guest: Could you make me a Waldorf salad?  Waldorf salad.

 

Basil: I think we’re just out of waldorfs.  ibid.

 

Is your husband all right?  ibid.  guest to Sybil

 

This will explain.  A letter.  A letter from the Chef.  ibid.  Basil to guests

 

Guest: What I’m suggesting is that this place is the crummiest, shoddiest worst run hotel in the whole of western Europe.

 

Major: No.  No I won’t have that.  There’s a place in Eastbourne.  ibid.

 

Basil: The kind of ASS I have to put up with from you people.  You ponce in here expecting to be hand-waited on hand and foot.  Well I’m trying to run a hotel here ... Well let me tell you something – this is exactly how Nazi Germany started.  ibid.

 

Either they go or I go.  ibid.  Basil to Sybil

 

Basil: Hello, dear, I’m back.  A room please.  Number twelve is free I think.  Now I’d like breakfast in bed at half past ten in the morning please  that’s eggs, bacon, sausage and tomato with a Waldorf salad, all washed down with lashings of hot screwdriver.  ibid.

 

 

Well you go along and have a really good night’s sleep then.  I’m hoping to get a couple of hours later on myself.  I’ll be up in good time to serve you your breakfast in bed.  If you could remember to sleep with your mouth open, you won’t even have to wake up; I’ll just drop in small pieces of lightly buttered kipper when you’re breathing in the right direction, if that doesn’t put you out.  FATTY OWLS.  Fawlty Towers s2e4: The Kipper and the Corpse, Basil to guest

 

My God, a woman’s work is never delegated, is it?  ibid.  Basil to Sybil  

 

He’s stone cold.  Oh joy.  Oh thank you, God.  Isn’t it wonderful? ibid.

 

Basil: What are you looking at me like that for?

 

Sybil: Basil, there’s a kipper sticking out of your jumper.  ibid.

 

Oh spiffing.  Absolutely spiffing.  Well done.  Two dead, twenty-five to go.  ibid.  Basil to Polly, with Manuel

 

Mr Fawlty, I no longer want to work here any more.  ibid.  Manuel

 

Basil!  Basil!  Basil! …  ibid.  Sybil

 

 

Our fifteenth wedding anniversary today – guess who’s forgotten?  FLOWERY TWATS.  Fawlty Towers s2e5: The Anniversary, Sybil to Polly

 

I’ll just pop upstairs and ask her to stop dying, and then you can all come up and identify her.  ibid.  Basil to guests

 

 

Cooped up in this hotel all day long; you never take me out.  The only bit of life I get is when I get away with some of my friends.  They all think you’re peculiar.  FARTY TOWELS.  Fawlty Towers s2e6: Basil the Rat, Sybil to Basil

 

Specifically, lack of proper cleaning routines; dirty and greasy filters, dirty and encrusted deep-fat fryer; dirty, cracked and stained food preparation surfaces; dirty cracked and missing wall and floor tiles; dirty marked and stained utensils; dirty and greasy interior surfaces of the ventilator …  ibid.  food Inspector to Basil & Sybil & Polly

 

It’s my hamster.  ibid.  Manuel to Basil       

 

Strike strike strike, why do we bother, Fawlty?  ibid.  Major to Basil

 

Oh I see he’s a homing rat, is he?  ibid.  Basil to Polly, Terry & Manuel

 

He put Basil in the ratatouille?  ibid.  Manuel to Polly, with Sybil & Health Inspector

 

Table Seven – Basil!  ibid.  Manuel to Basil

 

Would you care for a rat?  Just the biscuits then please, Polly.  ibid.  Basil                      

 

 

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you’re in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower.  In Egypt, the pyramids are right there.  In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window.  My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.  Gilbert Gottfried

 

 

The great advantage of a hotel is that it is a refuge from home life.  George Bernard Shaw

 

 

I need something truly beautiful to look at in hotel rooms.  Vivien Leigh

 

 

This is an elegant hotel!  Room service has an unlisted number.  Henny Youngman

 

 

Mumbai, the biggest city in India.  Endlessly rich in culture and contradictions.  It’s home to one of the oldest and grandest hotels in the world – the Taj Mahal Palace.  It has over five hundred rooms and fifteen hundred staff.  Hotel India I, BBC 2015

 

£9,000 a night.  ibid. 

  

 

Every small detail has been kept in mind to give people a feeling of luxury and exclusivity.  Hotel India II, deputy manager

 

 

A big wedding event from eight hundred to a thousand people ...  Hotel India III, food and beverage manager

 

 

An army of staff striving for flawless service.  It’s where the super-rich of today come to live like Maharajahs of India’s past.  Hotel India IV

 

There are three members of staff to every guest.  ibid.

 

Two guests walked into the lobby dressed as backpackers.  There were 2,000 people inside the hotel ... ‘He was spraying the weapon in all directions.’ ... The siege lasted three days.  ibid.

 

 

I don’t want to seem negative but I can’t see anything here but delinquents and cops.  Maysles Brothers & Zwerin, Salesman, Paul Brennan, 1968

 

It’s not the bum territory, it’s the bum in the territory.  ibid.  salesmen in hotel room

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